


The Other Side of the Glass

by Demona424



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-01
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 04:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/744052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demona424/pseuds/Demona424
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having finally ended a disastrous relationship, Katniss reunites with her friends after a long absence from their lives. They decide to take a trip to her father's cabin to catch up and things get awkward for her when the best friend she's always been in love with catches her in a compromising position.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Breakup (Katniss POV)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Diana_Flynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Flynn/gifts).



> This was meant for Prompts for Panem day 5: Intimate Portraits. Of course I was a little too slow posting it that day, but I was still inspired by the challenge and decided, better late than never.

Chapter 1 - The Breakup (Katniss POV)

“I can’t believe you just said that.” My voice is stone cold and I can feel my heart pounding with anger. “You need to leave right now.” I can’t even stand looking at him right now, so I turn around and head out the door to my back yard. I know it’s a pretty futile move because he’s just going to follow me right out the door. I’m just tired of this fight, and really tired of having to deal with Cato and his ever eternal tempestuous moods. 

I walk across the lawn as fast as my short legs can take me, but I can’t beat Cato’s large stride as he comes stomping after me. During this time of year, the garden is so full of color and life. My mother’s roses bob their full heads in the breeze causing their alluring scent to drift in the air around me, but sadly I’m really not in the mood or situation to appreciate it. I hurry past all the flower beds and head to my sanctuary, a large jacaranda tree in the very back of my yard. The tiny green leaves are all gone and in their place are hundreds, maybe thousands, of small purple flowers weighing down the branches and carpeting the lawn. When I finally reach the tree, I place my hand on the rough trunk, and take a deep cleansing breath. I try to focus on the scents of the outdoor around me, listen to the sounds of the buzzing bees going from flower to flower, and try to calm my racing heart. 

The peaceful moment doesn’t last long, because a moment later, a large hand grabs my arm pulling me around. An angry flush blossoms on his face, and his nostrils flare open as he breathes hard. I don’t know why he should feel the right to be angry considering what he’s done. I try to shake him off me but his grip is too firm and I can feel his fingers dig further into my flesh.

"Let me go." I say through gritted teeth. "I'm done with this and I'm done with you, especially after what you just said right now."

"Well, it's true isn't it? Peeta has just been aching to get inside your white cotton panties, get a glimpse of a little Katniss pussy. You just don't see it, do you. Or maybe you like the way he looks at you. You probably feed off of the attention, don’t you. You must be sick otherwise I don't see why else you'd keep that freak around."

“Just shut the fuck up Cato!" The anger raging inside somehow gives me enough strength to shove him away from me and into a nearby rose bush. He quickly gains his balance, but not before the thorns leave their red marks on his hands and arms. I feel no regret since the painful stings they leave are nothing however compared to the pain I feel throbbing from my arm. I know that I'll have a bruise in the shape of fingerprints by morning. I spot a pair of garden shears my mom forgot laying down on the ground and quickly pick it up and point it at Cato in what I hope is a threatening manner. He lifts his hands up in a sign that he's backing off, although I know he's still raging inside.

"I told you to leave Peeta out of this. You're the one who fucked up, you're the one who had your dick so far up Glimmer she could taste the cum on the other side. So don't you dare throw him under the bus to protect your ass. Peeta doesn't see me that way, he's my friend, and he'll always be my friend. You know I used have friends before I met you, not many, but some really good ones. Because of you, I don't know if I have them anymore. I'm so tired of this...this..this mess, and I'm tired of you and I'm really tired of me when I'm with you. I deserve better. I don't even know if you like me. Just, please leave."

Everything that has been building inside of me for so long just spills out in a flood. It's been a long hard road to get to this point where I finally have the strength to get rid of Cato. Our relationship didn't use to be like this, he was actually good to me in the beginning and when it started going bad, I thought I deserved the way he treated me, a part of me still does. 

"You're a fucking idiot Katniss. You always have been. I don't know why I put up with you. You're going to get it from me so good, and you'll like it, and you'll realize you deserve every bit of it. Now put down those that god damn garden tool and apologize to me for being such a moron." Cato was hissing like snake, spittle going everywhere. I see that his hands are clenching so tight his knuckles are turning white and I know he's more on edge than ever before. My hands start to shake as my resolve starts to crack. 

I know that my indecision is going to be the end of me and I fight to look strong and hold back the tears that are swimming in my eyes. I take a deep breath and raise the shears a little higher, pointing them right at his throat with false courage, ready for him to pounce, when suddenly water goes shooting past me with such strength that it knocks Cato down onto the ground. As it drenches him, he struggles to get up, but it continues to push him into the ground.

"You're the moron Cato, and don't you ever fucking talk to her again. You need to leave here now and never come back. You won't like the alternative. You're trash, and we should have thrown you out a long time ago." I turn to see Peeta holding the power hose that we share between both our houses and he's not letting up. His ususally sweet face is tight with resolve and every muscle is taut like a spring ready to burst.

Cato finally manages to get up and spits out water before declaring, "This is not over Katniss, and you know it. You can't push me out for long, you never can. You'll come crawling back. And Mellark, you better watch your back."

Peeta lowers the hose as Cato turns and storms away. With him goes the last of my strength and I begin to drop to the ground. Of course Peeta is right there to catch me and hold me as I start to break down. The years of tears I've held back rush forward and take over as I sob into his chest. It feels so good to have his arms around me again and I welcome his protective embrace. It feels like if he let's go, I'll break into a million pieces. He gently brings me to the ground as I let it all out and just hugs me, whispering words of comfort into my ear that I don't quite catch. Eventually I calm down enough to realize I left tears and snot all over his shirt. I wipe my face with my arm, feeling the heat of blush on my face.

"Sorry about your shirt and I'm sorry you had to see that. God, you must think I'm an idiot." I divert my eyes in embarrassment. Instead I focus on some jacaranda flowers laying nearby which my nervous fingers pick up and start tearing apart.

He grabs my hands softly but firmly and dips his head to look me in the eyes. "You never have to be sorry about that. And don't you dare call yourself an idiot. I only got the tale end of that conversation. I wanted to tear his nuts off and feed them down his throat. I take it you're finally rid of him for good?" he asks me. 

As I look into his sparkling blue eyes, I can see a flicker of hope blossom, pleading with me to agree with him. Not too long ago he was one of my best friends, a vital part of my support system as I was for him. That all changed when he started dating Delly, and well, in large part to the influence of his mother. I still had my family, and of course Gale, but without him rooting for me, I felt like I was floating, Cato was the one who filled that void, took advantage, and tethered me down.

I bite my bottom lip then nod silently, my throat too thick with emotion to say anything. His smile is brighter than the sun and he pulls me in for a tighter hug. I put my head in the crook of his neck and breathe in deep, his scent is warm, familiar, and comforting. It's so good to be back with him.

"You don't know how much all of us have missed you. That asshole took you away from us for too long. I thought Joanna was going to tear out his throat when we saw him at Haymitch's pub the other night. This is definitely a cause for celebration. I'm calling the gang and we're going out tonight. We need to get you plastered with victory drinks."

"You all have have missed me?" I ask. Although Peeta's exuberance is catching, I can only focus on his emphasis on the word 'all' and not 'I'.

"Yup!" he agrees, "Definitely all of us. They'll be so excited when I call them. The only way we knew anything was through Prim."

He pulls me down to lay on the ground and holds my hand as we gaze into the blue sky letting the golden sun warm us like we used to do when we were children. Although I am excited about seeing my friends again, I'm still scared they're going to judge me for all the bad decisions I've made in my life recently and I just don't know if I can handle that right now. More than that, Cato's words keep haunting me because I know he's in some aspects right. I've been totally over my head in love with Peeta for longer than I can remember but I know he doesn't feel the same way. Every time I realize that, it squeezes my heart a little bit tighter.


	2. Reunion (Katniss's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I thought I'd just warn you that Katniss is little out-of-character for this story. The reasons why she's not our strong warrior princess and why her self-esteem has taken such a nose dive will be revealed later on.

Breathe in, breathe out. It's a simple unconcious action, but it doesn't feel like I can right now because my chest is so tight. I tell myself I just need to force the air in out of my lungs and I will feel a lot better. I can definitely do this, I can face the people that I left behind, it's only been a short while, right? They won't be too mad. A sigh escapes my lips because it doesn't matter how hard I try to make myself feel better, I'm still nervous as hell about stepping through the doors in front of me. Everyone is sitting in Haymitch's bar having a good time and I'm about to ruin it. I can see it now, they will all look at me with hatred and pity and it will just be an awful tragic mess.

Somehow sensing my fears and doubts, probably because I was shaking so hard, Peeta squeezes my hand and gives me a small kiss on my temple leaving a tingly spot where he put his lips.

"Don't worry so much," he tells me, "I know you're overthinking this. They've all missed you so much and were just so worried about you. It's been almost 9 months since you got involved with that asshole. This is a celebration, not a funeral so stop looking so glum." I know that he's trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping because my heart races in a different way when he's around. Between dealing with my feelings for him and my worries about my friends, I'm a nervous wreck.

He gives my hand one more squeeze and pulls me toward the door. His stride is much longer than mine so I have to move my legs doubly fast to keep up. Usually he's pretty considerate about keeping pace with me, but I know that he's worried I'm going to do a runner and take off. I'm pretty sure he wants to get this over with as much as I do. I don't know why I'm so scared, I used to be fearless, able to scurry up towering trees like a squirrel and stand up to any bully to protect the ones I love. So why is it so hard to face my own friends? Maybe it's because I dropped off the face of the earth without a word, I start to berate myself with.

Last night with Peeta went a long way to make me feel like my old self however. We lay on the lawn for a long time just watching the clouds go by, but once it grew cold, we ordered some pizza, put on some movies and talked for hours. It was like we didn't have all those months apart. If anything, it made me appreciate even more all that was special about him. The way he has a full laugh at the stupidist things, his flair for storytelling, his exuberance living life, and how he puts every part of himself into his hugs. Damn his hugs are nice. I just wish I didn't notice how good his tight firm muscles felt surrounding my body. Maybe that would make it easier not to love him. Nah, he'd still be Peeta, and he'd still be the most wonderful person I know.

As we push through the doors, the familiar sights and smells hit me and it feels like I was here yesterday and not months ago. From the outside it may not look like much but on the inside it's warm, welcoming, and a surprisingly clean pub. This is no small wonder considering it's run by Haymitch. All the old regulars are there, sitting at the bar keeping him company with stories they have told time and time again. College students kick back at tables scattered around the room, relaxing after a long week. In the back, at the round booth where they usually sit, is our rowdy little group of friends including Gale, Madge, Finnick, Annie, Thresh, Rue, Joanna, and Thom. The newest members, my sister Prim and her boyfriend Rory, have also joined them tonight.

My dad had an old record player he loved to play constantly, and occasionally, when one of us bumped into it, the needle would skip along the surface of the record disrupting whatever song was playing and everyone would come to a halt at the screeching sound. The moment they see me enter timidly behind Peeta, their conversation comes to a screeching halt just like that needle scratching along the record. Yup it feels just as awkward as I pictured it. It feels like an eternity, but it is really only a matter of moments before they all jump up out of their seats and come rushing toward me and I'm quickly overwhelmed by hugs, kisses and admonishments for being away for so long.

They push me over to the booth and everyone starts to grill me at once. My friends' questions layer one upon the other as they all talk over each other in a rush to find out what happened to me in the last few months. I feel like my head is going to explode trying to figure out where to begin or who to answer first as I turn from one insistent person to another. 

"Stop! Hold on you guys!" Peeta finally interjects, waving his hands around to get their attention. "This is not getting us anywhere. I know we all have questions for Kat, so I will act as a sort of mediator, if you will. With your permission of course Katniss. First on the list, a round of cocktails, I think we should get nice and 'happy' before we really get going."

I give Peeta a grateful look and squeeze his hand to send a message of thanks for helping me through this extremely uncomfortable situation. The smile he sends back to me is filled with warmth, love, and understanding causing my heart to beat uncomfortably in my chest and my stomach to clench tight with warmth. If Peeta would stop being so...Peeta, this would make my life a lot easier. I tip my head down to hide the blush in my cheeks, but I'm sure the bar is dark enough that he won't notice anyway. Prim is sitting on the other side of me, and she lightly bumps my shoulder with hers to get my attention.

"Don't worry Kat, it won't be so bad, they haven't stopped caring for you," she whispers to me. They've missed you, I've missed. A day doesn't go by we didn't worry about you. Cato, he's just, not a really nice guy. He's more than just not a nice guy. I hate him so much Katniss. I've wanted to tell you that for such a long time. I'll never forgive him for what he's done to you, how he's changed you." By the end of her declaration, I can see tears brimming on the edge of her eyes. Poor Prim, she tries so hard to find the good in everyone, so her hatred for him must have run pretty deep if she voices it. Now my heart clenches for another reason. I regret more that I hurt the ones I love by my mistakes rather than the hurt inflicted on me by Cato.

"Prim, he did nothing that I didn't let happen because I stayed with him. I'm so sorry. You know I love you more than anything right?"

She just nods her head then pulls me into a huge bear hug and we stay holding each other until they place our drinks in front of us. We both giggle in embarrassment when we notice everyone looking at us.

"Well that was touching. Do we all get the privilege of such a touchy feely reunion? Shall we get our fucking chumbayaya's out?" Joanna interjects with her patented smirk on her face. If I didn't know that beneath her layers of snark and sarcasm was a really good person, I would probably be smacking her half the time. I grab my drink and quickly down half of it in a few gulps to give myself some liquid courage.

"Where shall we start? Where you are a moron or where you are a complete idiot?" Joanna continues.

"Jo! What's wrong with you?" The look on Madge's face would be pretty funny if I wasn't so embarrassed.

"Well, it's true. Kat, I told you to stay away from that loser, but you didn't listen to me, and look where it left you - friendless, alone with a D-bag and probably with the bruises to prove it. Now you're crawling back because you had a little spat? Why the hell should we trust you?" Joanna never pulls her punches and I can't help but look for the nearest exit.

"That's enough!" I've never seen Peeta look so furious, his face is almost purple in anger and he's clenching the beer in his hand so hard, I'm afraid he's going to break the glass. I automatically put my left hand over his clenched fist and work my fingers until I've massaged his fingers loose.

"No Peeta, she's right. I lost myself for a long time and with that, you guys as well. I really have no excuses." How harsh her words are, nobody can beat me up about my decisions as much as I am right now.

"Did you love him?" Rue asks me.

"I thought I did, I wanted to, but no, not really. I guess I was just trying to forget, and he was there, and for a moment, he made me feel special. It didn't end that way of course. You were all pairing up and moving on with your lives and I didn't feel like I belonged anymore. I know it's a poor excuse, but there you have it." When I finish, I realize that I had been fidgeting with Peeta's fingers because I'm so nervous. I quickly drop his hands and clench mine together in my lap. I avoid looking in his direction in fear that he'll see the truth written all over my face.

"Katniss, you're brainless." And with that, she's out of her seat and striding across to the bar. Thom lifts his shoulders in apology and tells us he's going over to talk to her. Once again we plunge into an awkward silence and I begin to think that this is a really bad idea. Thankfully Prim is never one to leave me hanging and comes to my rescue.

"Well, you guys know how I feel about having Kat dump that loser, good riddance! And I have an idea. I think we all deserve a reboot, it's been a crazy few months for all of us, so why don't we all go up to Dad's cabin for the weekend. It's Memorial weekend anyway, so it will be perfect. We can catch up, hash it out, and then just relax."

Everybody looks at each other then start talking excitedly at once, all in agreement about what an excellent idea it is. I look over at the bar and see Joanna sitting on a stool glowering at us while she's finishing her drink ignoring whatever Thom is saying to her. When she notices me glancing over, she just raises her drink at me then turns back around to the bar. I made some bad decisions and I knew not everyone would welcome me back with open arms, but it still hurts that she's not even willing to try. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't cry for anything but now I feel like an open wound so I decide I need a little air to gather myself back together before anyone can see the tears. Everyone is busy talking including Peeta so I sneak out of the booth and out the back door to a little patio area surrounded by bushes and lit by fairy lights. Fake candles are also scattered around the tables completing the scene. That was definitely not Haymitch's doing, this has Effie written all over it.

I slump onto a nearby table and just try to breathe in the cool air for a while, cooling any tears that try to escape. I may be a mess right now, but my head hasn't felt so clear in a long time. It feels like I am finally waking up out of a bad dream, and I know I can make myself stronger for it. I just have to not be afraid to confront the issues that pushed me there in the first place. This means, I really need to talk to Peeta.

Suddenly I hear the door bang open and I see Rue, Madge, and Annie stumble through. I give a weak wave and say, "Hey guys." They quickly descend around the table after each giving me a warm hug which gives me some hope in return. 

"Don't worry too much about Jo, you know how she is. I think she was hurt the most by this because you know that bitch has a hard time opening up in the first place let alone dealing with the person she trusts the most leaving. Thom's convinced her to come this weekend." Rue starts off.

"And once we get a few drinks in her she'll be right as rain!" Annie continues.

"We'll just make sure to lock the axe in the tool shed." Madge finishes with a wink. We all giggle because although she may be joking we all remember the time we found Jo naked in the woods chopping at a tree after she found out her boyfriend at the time cheated on her. We just slowly backed away and decided it was best not to get in her way. Later we just helped remove the splinters but never asked how she came to be in her undressed state.

Laughter is just what we need because the tension finally breaks and soon we're all gabbing and laughing like we used. Mostly we stay on safe topics like old times and making fun of the guys, but still, it's progress.

I hear the faint sound of the door creaking open behind me and the girls exclaim in perfect unison "Hi Peeta". I turn around to see him leaning casually on the door jamb, his thumbs pulling his pants down by the belt loops ever so slightly exposing just a small strip of lickable skin.

The girls have become excellent at non-verbal communication and they give each other pointed looks before moving to get up. I try to wave them back down, but they just ignore me, the bitches.

"We're just going to go and refill our drinks, Peeta can you keep her company until we get back?" says Madge, ever the ring leader. They each give me a wink before quickly heading inside past Peeta.

I start a chant in my head "Don't be awkward, don't be awkward," but I don't think it's working because when I smile at him, it just feels, well awkward. And all he does is give me a mysterious smirk. There was a time I knew almost every emotion that passed through his face, but it's amazing how a few months can change things. 

He slowly pushes off of the door and walks over to me and offers his hand. I give him a confused look before he says, "You're supposed to take it. Don't worry, I got rid of all my koodies awhile back."

I snort then say. "Yeah right, I know where you've been and who you've dated. I'm sure Glimmer has koodies that will follow you for decades."

"Please don't mention that. I'm embarrassed enough about that as it is. Besides, I think you owe me a dance."

I slap my hand on top of his so he takes the opportunity to swiftly pull me up right to his body. His right hand takes a slow hot path from between my shoulder blades to land firmly at my waist. His grip is a little too tight, but I can't find it in me to care, actually it feels really good and I melt further into his embrace. The sound piping through the outside speakers suddenly increases and I realize that the song being piped through is "All I Want is You" by U2.

"Peeta?"

"Do you remember when we were kids your Dad would play this song for your mom at least once a week and we would pretend to dance just like them." he says.

"Yeah, but we couldn't stay serious for more than 10 seconds and would end up giggling like mad. You would also try and toss me as far away as possible, as I recall." I reply.

"But you admit, you loved being tossed around, you loved the sensation of almost flying through the air. Well, except for that time you went a little too fast and ended up going into the tree. When your dad saw you laid out on the grass knocked senseless, he ran after me so fast. I thought I would never be able to come back again."

We both start laughing at the memory and it feels so good to feel joy and happiness with somebody instead of worry and stress. I lay my head on his chest and I can hear the soothing thump of his heart beating beneath my ear.

"You know, he still plays that for her. You would think they would have become sick of it after all these years but every time it comes on, her smile is brighter than the sun and he looks at her like she hung the moon.” We sway in silence for a bit after my words. “I always wanted to have that someday. Used to anyway." I say after a few moments.

"You don't still want that?" Peeta asks.

"I don't think I'll ever have that. Maybe it exists once in a generation, maybe I'm just unlucky and it's not meant for me. Wanting it just leads to heartbreak." I don't look at Peeta because I don't want to see the pity on his face. He has Delly and besides that, he's always has been lucky in love, girls just fall all over him. Love never has come easy for me, and when I grabbed for it, it almost destroyed my life. I just don't think he'll ever understand where I'm coming from.

"Katniss..."

"Just don't." I interrupt him, still not looking at him. "I don't want to talk about it. Besides, the song has finished, let's go back inside. It's getting a little chilly anyway."

I pull away from him and try to move around towards the door but his hold is tight so I don't make any headway. I focus on a little white spot on his t-shirt still avoiding looking up at his face but he doesn't let me do that for long. I feel his warm hand on my face and he points it upward. His blue eyes shine in the warm light captivating me. His thumb moves in small circles on my cheekbone and I lean into his rough hand a little further.

"Don't ever give up Katniss, and don't ever forget how special you are." He leans in and gives me a small soft kiss on my forehead. I can still feel the imprint of his lips when he pulls away.

"Yes mom," I say, making a stupid attempt at breaking the tension. He just rolls his eyes at me before we both finally walk to the door hand in hand. Right now, it would be so helpful to get inside his brain and know what he's thinking. He's been so supportive of me with this whole mess, I just wish there was more. I always wished there was more. I need to just move on and not have my brain go around in circles.

When we get back inside, I notice that the bar has started filling up. Now all the tables are taken and there is barely any standing room. The only problem about living in a college town is after a certain witching hour your bar inevitably gets taken over. I spot Haymitch through the crowd of people desperate for a drink over by the bar and he waves me over. When I push past a couple of co-eds and finally reach him, he starts in on me right away.

"Decided to finally join the land of the living sweetheart? Well, I need a person to cover the bar from 2 to 7 on weeknights. Take that shift until you can get back on your feet. I'll see you Monday," and with that, he turns around to head back to his office. 

He's right, I could use the extra money and it will give me time to figure out what I should do next. Cato was very persuasive and I found myself dropping out of school, work, and my life in general. Decisions I of course regret now that I am left with nothing, but I can only move forward so I can get anywhere. Maybe if I didn't listen to her, didn't let her get to me, I wouldn't be in the situation I am now. I sigh, and turn to go back with my friends. It has been a long time since I've interacted with so many people and exhaustion is starting to work it's way through my body. I don't think I'll be able to stay up much longer and decide it's time I say my goodbyes.

I look around and see everyone back at the table except for Peeta. I make it halfway there when I feel myself pulled into the shadow of one of the large pillars holding the upstairs balcony. My first instinct is to stomp on the foot of the person holding me before I realize that the "Oww!" is actually coming from Peeta.

"Peeta, what the hell! You scared me to death,” I exclaim, “Sorry for the foot, is it okay?" My heart is beating fast, partially from the scare but mostly because he has me pressed tight against the column behind me.

"I think I'll live, but damn you have a strong foot," he answers. "Sorry for scaring you, I just reacted. Cato's over near the front of the bar looking for you, and I thought maybe you didn't want another confrontation with him right now."

"Fuck. I should have known he'd show up here. It was such a bad idea to come out tonight. I better go out and deal with him. I'll be fine." I refuse to be intimidated and frightened by him anymore. 

"Hold on, why create a whole big scene, let me see what's going on."

Instead of moving around me to head to the front of the bar, he choses to lean in closer and peer over my shoulder and around the column. Every bit of his body is pressed against mine and I shiver at how good it feels to have him so close. Besides last night, this is the first time in more than a year we have been in this close of a proximity. I lay my hand on his stomach and his delicious muscles tighten under my fingers. The skin of his neck brushes against my nose and I can't help but breathe in his warm manly scent and can’t help the soft moan of approval escape my lips. I gather whatever wits I have left, clear my throat and ask "Well?"

Peeta moves his face back in front of me and says, "Thresh seems to have the situation under control. Cato's heading out the door as we speak. Can I ask you a question Katniss?" A mischievous glimmer is in his eye.

"Sure," I squeak out.

"Did you just smell me?"

Damn his adorable smirk, he's totally making fun of me. I shove him in the chest but he doesn't go far and comes right back up against me. He leans his forehead against mine and gently rubs his nose against mine. 

"Katniss, you sure know how to drive a guy crazy," he whispers, his lips so close I can feel the air of his words hit mine.

Enclosed in the shadows between the warmth of his arms I have never felt so safe. The world fades away as heat runs up through my body like electricity in a live wire and I find my hand clutching his t-shirt, pulling him closer to me instead of pushing him away. My neck cranes up and his lips touch mine so softly, his lower lip making his way between my own. In this moment, anything feels possible. He pulls back ever so slightly and just as he's about to press his lips to mine once more I hear my name being called and I jerk my head back suddenly and all the noise and lights of the world around me come slamming back.

"Oh my god, Delly." I must have said the words out loud because he gives me a confused look and says "Huh?"

I duck under his arms and quickly make my way back to the table, my heart racing. What is wrong with me? Peeta has a girlfriend and here I'm acting like a common hussie. Okay, clearly I've been around Effie too much because who uses that word anymore, but still, I just need to get it together. My face flushes with fresh embarrassment when I imagine what everyone would say if they saw what happened and I rush to the table. It's time to say my goodbyes and make a quick exit.

"Katniss, there you are," says a relieved Prim. "I was so worried when I saw Cato enter the bar. He was drunk off his ass too."

"Peeta had me covered," I say. Okay, that was a little too literal. I peek over my shoulder and see him trying to push his way over to me but he's been stopped by two bimbos who are drunkenly flirting with him and he's too polite to push them away. 

"So guys, I'm kinda exhausted and maybe I should go home before he makes a reappearance. I'll catch up with you later about heading to the cabin this weekend." I say in a vomit of words.

I quickly hug the girls closest to me and ignore the bewildered looks on their faces, making a beeline to the door. Just as I push through the doors I remembered that I actually came with the man I am a little too embarrassed to face right now and my truck was at home. "Fuck!"

"What bit your ass," says a voice to the right of me. There I find Jo sitting on the hood of her car, one leg propped up, the other swinging off the side. There is a pile of cigarette butts littering the ground beneath her.

"I'll tell you when you get in the car and give me a ride home," I say taking a risk she doesn't hate me that much. Jo just rolls her eyes at me, but doesn't move from her spot. I pull the passenger door open and try giving her my pleading hamster look and say, "Please."

"Fine," she answers, throwing her last cigarette on the floor. "But you're telling me every goddamn little detail. And you're buying me chunky monkey ice cream."

Jo hops into her car and revs the engine, peeling off just as Peeta finally makes it out the door.

I hear him yelling my name, and I stick my head out the window and give him a wave goodbye.

"I'll talk to you later," I yell back, not sure if he heard me or not. I am such a chicken.

"So lover boy finally stick his tongue down your throat and you decided it was a good time to make your escape? Can't wait to hear this story," Joanna looks over at me and sends a sly smile my way. I just bang my head against the dashboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Diana_Flynn for being my lovely beta. And thanks to KeetaEverlark, HMTH, TxDorA, MaidenAlice for your feedback! :-)


	3. Through the Window (Katniss’s POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This chapter took a lot longer than I thought it would. This is where it starts to earn it's Explicit rating.

Chapter 3 - Through the Window (Katniss’s POV)

“Don’t even think about,” I warn Joanna, giving her a firm glare.

“Whatever, it’s my house, I can do what I want,” she answers back defiantly.

“Jo, I have my resolve face on right now,” I say, moving my finger in circles around my face to emphasize my stern expression. 

“Argh! Fine, see, the cigarette is out and nonfunctional,” she concedes, dropping the stick into the last of her beer. I’ll have you know, that this your damn fault. I was on the road to nicotine freedom but you stress me the fuck out.” 

She huffs and plops herself down on the couch, folding her legs Indian style before grabbing the cartoon of ice cream and proceeds to stuff her face. She moans in appreciation and lets her head fall back.

“Damn it’s been too long. Stupid Thom and his lactose intolerance. He gives me those fucking puppy eyes everytime I eat something he can’t. So where the hell were we? Oh yeah, you were running away from Prince Charming and using me as your pumpkin carriage. What is wrong with you? He's had a boner for your since 6th grade."

I was attempting to take a bite of my ice cream while Joanna babbled on, but clearly that was a bad decision because as soon as the word "boner" was out of her mouth, the ice cream went down the wrong pipe and I was chocking. She half heartedly attempts to help by slapping me on the back but it's completely ineffective and totally annoying as well. I bat away her hands and grab the glass of water sitting on the coffee table.

"Are you still alive?" asks Jo not sounding at all concerned. I just nod since I don't quite have my voice back. 

"Good, because I'm not done with you yet. You have questions to answer," she continues. "If you die, I will resuscitate you. You will not get out if that easily." Of course, she says this while shovelling the ice cream in her mouth. How she keeps such a good figure is beyond me.

"I'm not going to die. And what do you mean he's had a boner for me? You're completely delusional." I cross my arms and slouch further into the sofa trying not to pout. I hate when she teases me, she's always been relentless to the point where sometimes I wouldn't speak to her for weeks on end.

"Stop playing around Katniss, that poor sucker has been in love with you for as long as I've known you both and everybody knows it," Joanna scoffs, taking another large bite of ice cream. She chuckles to herself before throwing the carton down on the table and continuing, "Remember the time he was going to take you to prom and you asked Gale instead? He looked like somebody just kicked his puppy. Good thing Glimmer was there to bolster his ego, if ya know what I mean." She starts to chuckle, but it quickly dies out when she sees the look of shock on my face.

“He was going to ask me out to prom?” I manage to squeak out. 

“Well, duh! Of course he was. I thought you asked Gale because you didn’t want to hurt Peeta’s feelings by saying no when he asked you,” she replies. I have her full attention now because she’s turns around on the couch to lean on the armrest and faces me fully. Her stare is inquisitive and thoughtful, like she’s trying to figure out a puzzle.

“Of course I wouldn’t do that! I went with Gale because Madge had to go with skeevy Marvel Hendricks. She was too embarrassed to tell anyone that her dad set up the date and she was afraid Gale would ask another girl. She begged me to go with him, and I figured nobody else would ask me, especially Peeta since half the female population were salivating for him at the time. I’ve had a crush on him for god knows how long but you know that.” 

"Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but noooo." She draws out the "no" and sounds genuinely shocked by this, but that can't be possible. "Katniss, I don't know if you realize that you keep your cards pretty close to your chest."

I have no answer for her. I don't even know where to start, I've know most my friends since grade school, Joanna included. We didn't always get along but she's like a sister to me, sometimes completely in sync while other times we're driving each other up the wall. Actually, we're all like that, we all have our moments and definitely all out brawls. Each have wandered away now and again, but we're a pretty close knit group despite our ups and downs. The thought that my friends wouldn't know I've been in love with Peeta all this time, something that seemed so obvious to me, is just baffling. I always thought it was like a glaring neon sign above my head. Just like it seems absolutely ridiculous that all this time Peeta would be into me. But then I remember, this is Jo, and she's known for long drawn out jokes. 

"Jo, that's enough teasing for the day. Hah hah, you got me. Peeta is madly deeply in love with me. You really got me there for a moment."

"Hey, Katniss look at me, I'm not teasing you this time, I'm dead serious. Man this is fucked up. I need another drink." Jo quickly gets off the couch and goes into the kitchen. I hear her rummaging before she comes back with two set of glasses and a bottle of Don Julio. When she comes back she finds me in the same position, sitting there immobile with shock. God, I hope she's lying, after all these years.

"I think we're both going to need this," she says after she pours out 2 fingers of liquid for each of us before sliding the shot glass to me. She picks hers up and says, "Salud," before downing hers in one gulp. I quickly follow her, letting the heat slide down my throat and warm my belly.

"Okay, before your brain completely explodes, I think we need to clear something up and then we'll go back to how fucking retarded you both are."

"God Jo, do you have to be so crude?"

"Of course I do," she continues, "But don't interrupt me. As I was saying, we need to clear something up. I need you to tell me exactly how you chose to be with that fuck-wit Cato. And I don't want just the 'I fell in love and he changed bullshit', I want you tell me what went on in that fucking pea brain of yours, every bloody detail. It's time you lay out all your cards for once Katniss."

She really knows how to push my buttons but by the look on her face I can tell that she is dead serious. Frankly, I'm so tired of holding every little thing inside of me I'm ready to just lay it all out there and Jo is probably the right person to spill to because she is so honest. 

"Okay," I finally say, "But you'll have to put up with a little backstory."

"Are you kidding, this is what I've been waiting for so please proceed," she replies with a sweeping gesture, "You've got my full attention, so appreciate the privledge." She then picks up her ice cream and leans forward toward me on the couch, eyes filled with excitement. 

Despite being completely stressed out about actually having to confess my feelings out loud for the first time, she does earn a chuckle for me. I grab a pillow and pull it tightly to my chest and take a deep cleansing breath before beginning. 

"I guess I should start back in high school. You remember when I worked at the Mellark bakery right?" Jo nods so I continue. "I remember being so excited to start working there. Not only would I save money for college and help my family out a little but I'd be able to be with Peeta after school almost every day. I felt like things were finally going in my favor for once, I was so wrong though."

"Wait, I thought that you loved working in the bakery, you didn't say differently? Color me confused." Jo says interrupting me.

"Well, it started off that way, there was this one time at the end of the day that started well, but like a lot of things in my life it didn't end well."  
__________________________________________________

_4.5 years ago  
Exhaust was running through every cell of my body, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. All I want is to do is crash down on my soft bed, but goddamnit, I still have to do homework. _

_"Make sure you mop those floors twice Katniss. I don't want to get a health violation because you were lazy," says Mrs. Mellark as she pulls on her trench coat and gloves._

_"Yes Ma'am," I reply. I try to wipe back the lock of hair that's fallen on to my face, but I fail and it goes right back. I try blowing it up, but that doesn't work either. Peeta just chuckles at me from the other side of the room._

_"Peeta keep an eye on her. I don't trust her yet. You close up and you keep the keys. If anything happens, I'll put the full blame on you. I'll see you back at the house, don't be late."_

_And just like me, he replies "Yes Ma'am"._

_I would love to answer her back but she's my boss so all I can do is thank the heavens that she's not my mother. She leaves without a wave or even backward glance, and the door slams heavily behind her. With her negative energy out the door we both sag where we stand. I can't help being thankful Peeta's here because I wouldn't know how to deal with her on my own. I move to pick up the bucket and refill it with clean soap and water when an arm moves around me to stop my hand._

_"Put the bucket down or I'll be forced to take drastic measures. You're not really going to mop the floors twice Katniss, none of us do," Peeta says in my ear._

_"Well, you're her son, she's not going to fire you, but she will fire me," I answer continuing my movements and ignoring the shiver that raced down my spine from his breath on my neck._

_"Well, in that case you have forced my hand."_

_I just ignore him, moving the mop across the floor again, an ache blooming across my shoulders from all the manual labor Mrs. Mellark put me through today. Just as that annoying piece of hair falls over my face again, a stream of cold water hits my back pulling out a very loud screech from me._

_"What the hell!" I scream, turning around with murder on my mind, but I just get a face full of water instead. Peeta is holding the sink's water gun, just laughing manically, the bastard. I fight my way throught the stream of water to the asshole drenching me and manage to get the hand on the gun and force it upward which just causes it to rain down on us. I give a shout in triumph as I am able to get it in his face a couple of times and up his nose._

_I should be mad, especially considering I'm dripping wet and shivering cold but instead I'm laughing hysterically as we slip and slide along the floor fighting for control. We both end up splayed out in a puddle on the floor just giggling. Only Peeta has the ability to draw out that rare giggle from me._

_While I'm trying to catch my breath and gather the energy to get off the floor, Peeta moves to lean over me. He gently pushes the the now wet strand of hair out of my face and says, "Now isn't that much better. And look, twice clean floors."_

_"You're an idiot," I reply, but I'm still chuckling._

_"Yeah, but you like this idiot." Peeta wipes a drop of water off my nose and then I realize how close we really are. His soft lips are right there, and I want them to touch mine so badly I can feel the throb of my heart in my stomach. Just as I crane up my neck to get a little closer, the back door bangs open and we both scramble away from each other._

_"What the hell is going on in here!" Mrs. Mellark screeches from the doorway._

_"Mom, umm, it's my fault, I kinda created a mess and then we fell," Peeta says, fumbling over his words._

_"I don't care who started it, you're both going to clean this mess up. Katniss, you will not get paid for today and Peeta you'll get your punishment when you get home. Get to work, now," her tone brokers no argument and we hustle to get things cleaned up before she blows her top again. Mrs. Mellark never leaves us while we clean up, watching us like a hawk and making sure the bakery is spotless. No matter what could have been, the moment was broken and I couldn't get rid of the humiliation running through me._  
______________________________________________

"See, right there! I told you he was in love with you. That was hot! How could you not see the UST." Joanna exclaims when I finish telling her what happened.

"What's UST?" I ask.

"Unresolved Sexual Tension, duh. Seriously Katniss, sometimes it's like you were raised by wolves. What happened? With that almost kiss, you had some great momentum going for you." Joanna says. I definitely have her full attention now. She scoots closer to me on the couch and tosses her empty ice cream carton on to the coffee table. She leans forward putting her chin on her hand. 

"See, that's the thing, Mrs. Mellark hates me, and I'm not talking the kind of general dislike most people have to people who annoy them, I'm talking real genuine hatred. What happened, wasn't anything too crazy, but I might as well have burned down the whole bakery the way she treated me. She made sure I was never alone with Peeta at the bakery again. Not to mention that if I even did the littlest thing wrong, she'd use it as an excuse to cut my pay. Wish I could say that was the most of it, but it got worse." I take another sip of tequila in an effort to wash away the bitter taste in my mouth left by the bad memories. 

"Why did you put up with that shit?" Jo asked, her voice laced with hatred. 

"I think the only reason I kept the job was because my dad is best friends with Peeta's dad. I didn't want to disapoint him and he was so excited I was working there," I answer sounding defeated. 

"I always hated that bitch. She had me banned from the bakery after she found me making out with Rye. Why didn't you tell us? Peeta didn't even say anything," Joanna says, trying to prod me on after the silence has gone on too long.

"Peeta didn't know. I was too ashamed to talk about it to anybody actually. I've always prided myself as being a hard worker, and here I was doing such a shitty job, I thought I was a failure. God, I was so naive. Now that I'm a few years away I realize it was all a game of manipulation for her. She started off small, insulting me on little things I did wrong, nothing too big, mostly just reprimands. I think that Peeta and the boys were so used to hearing the same things, they didn't think anything of it. When Peeta got on the wrestling team sophmore year and I was mostly left alone with her after school, it got a hell of a lot worse."

"Wait, hold up there," Joanna interjects. "Where's Peeta's dad this whole time?"

"He opened the bakery at the break of dawn so he left when we got there," I answer.

Jo gets even closer to me and grabs the hand clutching the pillow to my lap. "So you're telling me for over three years you had hell's spawn breathing lies into your ear? How are you still sane?"

"Clearly I'm not if I stayed with Cato for so long," I answer with a humorless laugh.

"Good point, please continue," Jo says doing the same. 

I explain to Joanna how the situation at the bakery continued to get worse as the weeks and months wore on. She used every chance and opportunity to put me down. I can't even begin to explain to Jo how many times I heard words like "idiot", "stupid", "ugly", and "worthless". What hurt the most was when she would bring Peeta into it, those were the times that hurt the most. She would dig the knife in over and over again how he was worth so much more than me; how she couldn't understand why we were friends and thank god he saw sense to not date me. 

When I tell Jo that I tried so hard to ignore her, but there is only so long you can push the words away, there is pity and understanding in her face. What she said haunted me wherever I went, whatever I did and especially how I acted around Peeta. I thought my feelings for him shined so bright because she told me that I acted like a little whore. I wish I could have left the job, and I almost did, but then my dad was hurt at work and I couldn't leave, we needed the money too much. 

I don't even notice the tears falling out of my eyes, until Jo reaches over and wipes them away. The pain and hurt from all those years working for that woman comes flooding back. Her words echo all around me. I can still feel the sharp pain in my heart all these years later. I thought I had pushed those memories far away but apparently they still haunt me and worse yet, influenced so many decisions I made.

"God Katniss, I don't know what to say, I wish you told us. Okay, so don't take this the wrong way since you know I don't believe in affection," she says right before she grabs me in a fierce hug. Apparently, Joanna has decided to forgive me for my misdeeds. She pretends she's tough but she's a complete softy and I'm glad I ran away with her from the bar. I definitely needed to finally get this all out and make the steps to get this behind me. I let a few more tears out before I pull away and attempt to pull myself together. Jo squeezes my hand one more time before she grabs the bottle of tequila and takes a swig before handing the bottle to me and I gulp down a very generous amount. 

"Well, that explains why you were so awkward around Peeta those last couple years in high school. You were giving major Molly Ringwald face ala Sixteen Candles. You have seen that movie, right?"

"Yes Jo, I didn't grow up in some dystopian future where I only watch government TV, I know Sixteen Candles. Actually, I think I saw that movie at your house," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Well, I just need to make sure, you're not a cultural neanderthal. So where does Cato fit in to all of this?"

"I guess he was in the right place at the right time," I answer before going into the quick and dirty explanation.

Freshman year at college felt like a whole new start. I was finally able to quit the bakery and get away from Mrs. Mellark's toxicity and it helped my friendship with Peeta get back on track again. By sophmore year I was starting to hope that maybe something could be possible for us and then came Thanksgiving. That year, our family was going to join the Mellarks at their house. While we headed next door, I couldn't help thinking something was up, we hadn't shared a Thanksgiving with them in years. Then I saw Delly with Peeta, and everything fell into place. 

Peeta had mentioned that she was a family friend and was hoping to transfer to the University but I didn't think anything of it until I met her that evening. Of course she's everything I'm not - blond, curvy, beautiful, cheerful, bubbly, and most of all loved by Peeta's mom. And that night, boy did that bitch remind me of my inferiority every time she had the chance. I couldn’t even begin to tell her how many demoralizing things she whispered into my ear that evening. Everything she said to me is still burned into my brain - “You’re nothing to him”,”Why would anybody want somebody so ugly”, “You never had a chance”, “Why can’t you just disappear, “I hate that my husband is friends with people like you.” 

"So, that night, I officially gave up. What was the point trying, she killed the last of my hope and somehow I found myself at Haymitch’s bar. Those words burned like real fire and for once in my life I just wanted to forget everything, so I did. And when I woke up the next morning I was next to Cato. I was going to leave it as a one night stand, but in the light of day, he told me so many things I wanted to hear from Peeta for years. My Peeta window was closed so I figured I might as well give someone who was actually interested in me a chance. As you know, the rest is history." I say, as I finish off my tale. For a moment, silence envelops us, so I just swirl the golden amber in my glass contemplating how much more I can drink without being too shit-faced in the morning.

“Fuck Katniss, if I could shank that bitch without ending up in jail, I totally would. But take a page from my book, never feel that sorry for yourself again, you’ll only leave yoursel open to badness if you do. Plus you're the total package Katniss, if I loved pussy, I would totally tap that." The always elegant Jo emphasized her words with some wild arm pumps and pelvic thrusts.

"Uhh, thanks?" I reply, trying but failing miserably to suppress the laughter bubbling in my throat at her crazy antics. She may be infuriating at times, okay most of the time, but is moments like these where I'm glad she has my back. And, she’s right, feeling sorry for myself hasn’t helped my situation

"Oh, my god, what time is it? I’m staying with my parents right now, and they’ve been super hovery since I’ve been back. They’re afraid Cato is going to come and spirit me away somewhere.” I had totally lost track of the time reliving my drama.

I scramble off of the couch to go search for my phone. I quickly search the pocket of my jackets until I locate it and find several messages and missed calls lighting up my screen. I have one from my mom asking if I'll be coming home but as I scan through them I realize most of them are a pretty upset Peeta. Embarrassment flushes my cheeks as I recall the way I took off tonight, like a scared bird taking flight at the barest hint of a sound. Definitely not one of my best moments, honestly I don’t know why Peeta still wants to put up with me after all these years.

“Just stay here tonight, we have movies to watch, alcohol to drink, and things to bitch about. I’m not done with you yet,” Joanna says as she swirls the tequila left over in her glass. “You know, I feel a margarita is in order, I don’t want to pass out just yet.”

“Sure, that sounds nice, I don’t trust you driving me right now anyway. Let me just call my mom.” I’ve only partially told Joanna the truth as I want to less call my mom and more call Peeta to take him out of panic mode. Also, guilt tightens my stomach because of the completely juvenile reaction I had to just run away. While Jo is concentrating on mixing the drinks, I sneak back to her room and plop down on her bed, crossing my legs in front of me. First I call my parents house and get a sleepy but very relieved dad on the phone. I’m sure I’ll pay in someway tomorrow for making them worry, not only for tonight but for the past year. While I’m at it, I send a quick text to Prim just in case. 

I take a deep breath, and try to calm my beating heart before dialing Peeta’s number. It rings only twice before he picks up the line, his breath coming in harsh pants like he’s been running.

“Damn it Katniss, what the hell. You scared the crap out. For a few minutes there I thought you took off with Cato and I was going crazy before Tom finally talked some sense into me and told me it was Joanna you jumped in the car with,” he says with frustration lacing his voice. I can practically see him pulling his hair out.

“Umm yeah, sorry about that, I’m not sure what I was thinking. The whole night was overwhelming and I wasn’t up to talking anymore. I just needed to get out of there.” What I’m leaving out is that I needed to get away from my loyal friend who I kissed even though he is in a committed relationship. 

"Was it me? Did I come on too strong? I came on too strong didn't I. I was pushing you, and I know not to push you and I scared you away. Katniss, I..."

"Peeta, stop!" I interrupt him before he can keep going. "It wasn't you. You know me, I'm non-confrontation girl, I got overwhelmed and I didn't handle things well. It wasn't you. I couldn't have faced them without you, and.." I want to tell him that he means everything to me, and he makes my heart beat in the best of ways, that there was a hole in my life when he was gone, and to just hold me forever, but what I end up saying is, "Thank you for being you."

I smack myself on the forehead and mutter to myself “What the hell was that? Who says that?”

“What else did you say? I didn’t catch that last part” asks a bewildered Peeta.

“Oh nothing, I was just saying, that I’m looking forward to our group trip to the cabin by the lake this weekend. Maybe we can use it as a reboot? Peeta, I haven’t said this is in a while, but I really value you as a good friend.” 

“Yeah, friend,” he answers. There is a strain in his voice that I can’t quite interpret. An awkward moment of silence descends upon us and I’m not quite sure what I should say next so I start twisting the blanket beneath my fingers trying to form any words. 

Fortunately, Peeta finally rescues me by saying, “Well, I have to work tomorrow, so I’ll see you Saturday then.”

“Okay, umm, bye Peeta.”

“Uh, bye Katniss.” When the phone clicks off I fall back on the bed and groan, master of locution I am not. 

“Well that was awkward,” I lift my head to see Jo leaning against the doorway with a small smirk playing on her lips. I just let out a grunt and let my head fall back on the soft bed. If it was hard, maybe I could knock some sense into me. The bed shakes as she plops herself down next to me.

“You guys are both hopeless. You need to let out your pent up sexual energy and then maybe you’ll be able to talk to one another. I know just what you need, a good ol’ fashioned orgasm.” Jo says as she bounces up and down on the bed.

“Jo, I don’t need an orgasm,” I answer, just letting my body bounce up and down on the bed to her movements.

“What are you talking about, everybody needs an orgasm. It’s a natural, healthy thing. I read somewhere that Victorian ladies used to be given hand jobs by their doctors to help with mental issues, or something like that.”

“Jo, now you’re just making shit up. And it’s not all what it’s cracked up to be anyway.” I answer. Sex with Cato was alright but I was always too stressed out that he was pleased to enjoy any orgasms I did have.

“No seriously, I’ll google it and show you,” she says, then pauses before she really explodes, “Wait! What?! ‘Not all what’s it’s cracked up to be’? Clearly you have not had a real orgasm. This is code red situation here,” she says while she is shaking me back and forth. I finally open my eyes a little to see by the expression on her face that she is dead serious. What pandora’s box have I opened?

“Okay, maybe I’ve never had one? I’m not sure,” I answer back. My face flushes in red heat and I wish this bed would just swallow me. 

“Oh you’ll know. Now I want to kill Cato all over again. Clearly he has not been doing his duty. Okay, get up Katniss.” Jo jumps off the bed and tries to pull my limp body up, but I have no motivation to help her. “Okay, don’t forget rule #1, to stop feeling sorry for yourself, we still have a movie night ahead of still and margaritas with melting ice. #2, I have a homework assignment for you.”

“I’m really going to regret asking you this but, what’s the assignment?” I say as I finally hoist myself off the bed and follow her back into the living room.

“You, my dear friend are going to masterbate until you can masterbate no more. Well, at least until you diddle yourself into a nice O. It will help you let loose and get rid of some of this negative energy you’re holding onto and maybe it will clear your mind enough to figure out the Peeta problem. It’s a win win situation.” I can practically see the exclamation point in her eyes.

“Can we just watch a movie? I’m really uncomfortable with where this conversation is headed,” I groan out.

“Sure, let’s watch a movie, but it doesn’t matter if we talk about it anymore or not, I’ve already planted the seed.” I so want to wipe that smug expression off her face. I can't help but question for the millionth time why I'm even friends with her in the first place.

"You have planted nothing," I say with as much assuredness as I can muster.

"You just wait and see," she replies, leaning back into the couch as Sixteen Candles starts to play. All I can do is take a big gulp of Sangria.

_________________________________

The Next Evening

Damn Joanna and her stupid seed. I thought that I had safely escaped her words and forgot about the whole O thing but I was wrong, so wrong. This morning, Jo and I woke up on the couch with our legs tangled and our bodies askew in awkward positions. Once I was able to extricate myself from the couch and chugged down some tylenol, the first order of business was to go home, clean up and try to get rid of the dead cat that crawled into my mouth. Surprisingly Jo didn't say anything about our conversation the previous night, all she did was give me a hug, a slap on the ass and a wink as she escorted me to her car. I had a passing thought that this was pretty unusual behavior for Jo, considering she's usually like a dog with a bone, but I was was too relieved to leave her place relatively unscathed to think about it too much. 

When I entered the house, I was greeted by the cheerful powerhouse of Mom and Prim preparing a huge brunch. My dad and them had taken the day off to just celebrate me apparently, so they scooted me off to get ready, wanting me nice and refreshed before we started the food extravaganza. I was more than happy to oblige because my stomach was furiously grumbling to me so I rushed off to clean up. 

That stupid Joanna seed first started growing when I was taking my shower. As the hot water poured over my body and loosened all my muscles I couldn't help but go over every moment of the night before, over-analyzing what it all meant. When I came to Peeta, I got stuck in a loop - the way his arms felt around me, the deep blue of his eyes, that distinctive manly scent of his, and the heat of his breath on my face as he leaned in towards me. I suddenly realized that the wash cloth I was using was making a repetitive soft caressing figure eight movements on my breasts and my nipples were erect and tingling. The shower suddenly felt too hot, my stomach too tight, and my center was wet and aching. I dropped my head on the cool tile and cursed Jo a little bit before quickly finishing up and running to my room to get dressed.

I thought I could escape those thoughts over brunch but again I was wrong. They were always creeping in the back of my mind, haunting my every move and always one step behind. I really tried to distract myself with food, conversation, and laughter. It helped for a little bit but my mind kept wandering back to Peeta and how he would feel grinding on top of me, his skin slick against mine, his wet tongue in my mouth, his hands gripping my thighs and my breasts. I found myself squeezing my thighs together to get some relief from the tension building. So basically it became an extremely awkward and uncomfortable meal for me. I tried to fake through it, but I don't think I was too successful because my mind kept wandering and it was hard for me to follow the flow of conversation. Prim occasionally gave me an inquisitive look but I just shook my head at her. No doubt my fumbling replies and flushed face peaked her interest, she's nothing if not observant. 

When brunch was over, I pulled myself relatively together and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with my family temporarily quelling those wayward thoughts. It was still not easy for me to be social so I decided it would be nice to enjoy the peace and quiet of the cabin before everyone arrived Saturday afternoon. I thanked my mom and Prim for breakfast, told them where I would be and hopped into my reliable old jeep and drove up the bumpy road to the lake. 

The cabin has always been a safe haven for me, a place where I could escape my worries and just be me. Tears pricked my eyes as I turned a corner in the road and see the cabin hugged by trees, looking the same even though I hadn’t been there for years. Once I aired out the cabin and settled in I realized that yet again I had made a bad judgement call. Now as I sit here on my favorite large soft cushy chair staring at the last rays glistening over the serene lake, I can't help but regret my decision to come up here alone. I didn't count that the solitude would also let my thoughts echo louder and clearer than ever before, and they all brought me back to Peeta. 

Damn Jo, she was right, that seed was a full grown tree as tall as the redwoods outside now. Besides desiring to be with Peeta, Joanna pretty much hit the nail on the head that I had yet to ever have a real orgasm. I had moments where I thought I was almost there, but I had yet to fully "explore". Dating Cato didn't really help the matter either. He had a very straight-forward meat-and-potatoes approach to sex which basically meant two positions. He also didn't really like it when I tried to touch myself because he felt I was disparaging his abilities. I once tried to get him to go down on me and he told me that I tasted "weird" and my "pussy is kinda funny looking" so after that I was too embarrassed to ever ask again. Cato was definitely not a confidence builder. 

Thoughts of Cato flit out of my mind fast as just a distant bad memory because the boy with the blue eyes is taking up so much real estate, I don't have room for anything else. A small moment that keeps looping over and over again is the flex of his bicep as he leans over me to check the bar for Cato. I can’t get out of my mind that little movement of his muscle under the skin, the power it holds under the softness of his skin as it brushes gently against mine. 

The day has been warm and beautiful, but the heat I feel tingling under my skin has nothing to do with the weather. While I look at white egrets swooping over the lake, I realize that being alone does have it's advantages. There is nobody to interrupt me and for once nobody telling me what I should do and how I should think. The tension in my body is too much for me to take anymore and I can’t help but think that maybe Jo is right, maybe it's time I let loose for once and simply let go. 

I start by removing my tank top and my shorts and suddenly I feel free from some of the shackles that have been holding down. I nestle further into the chair in front of the expansive front window so I can get more comfortable. My hands wander to my breasts as I weigh their fullness and slowly work my way to my nipples. I experiment first by touching them softly and paying attention to how they react to my touch through my cotton bra. I imagine that I'm guiding his hands along with mine as I explore and I feel my heat spike and stomach tighten even further. Soon I need more and I tear off my bra and toss it across the living room. My erect nipples are begging for attention and the soft touches are not enough any more. I experiment with alternating rubbing and tugging them until I get a rhythm that takes my breath away. Soon enough my thighs grip and tighten, my body searching for more and I feel my hips are naturally starting to undulate. One hand sneaks down and begins to rub my lips through my panties. The barrier is just enough to annoy me so I quickly take off my panties and discard them on the floor as well. 

For a moment, I come to realization that I am naked to the world outside my window and a nervous giggle bubbles to my lips. I look quickly around but realize I'm being completely foolish, there is nobody up here except for the creatures frolicking in the lake and myself. I'm too worked up by this point to stop and have reached the point of no return. I'm not only compelled to continue, but I need it with every breath I take. My hand continues down to explore between my lips and labia and I reach my clit already standing at attention. I dip some fingers inside and the wetness is practically dripping from me. Instead of my fingers, I imagine ones much larger and rougher playing with me and I can’t help the groan that escapes. I bring my finger back to my clit and I am quickly rubbing it furiously, my thighs tight, trapping my hand while my other hand roughly grips my left breast and nipple. 

Before I know it, the rhythm has taken me away and I'm gone to the world and can only imagine Peeta all around me. My legs splay wide and I put my feet up the glass of the window to gain purchase as I undulate faster. I chant Peeta's name like a prayer. Usually I hold myself back and try not to make a sound but the groans I let out are loud and clear and I feel like I'm cleansing myself of all my demons. My breasts push out as my back arcs and oh how I wish his chest was pressing against mine. Too soon everything tightens and I feel myself on a precipice ready to fall; one twist of my fingers, a furious rub on my clit, and the picture of Peeta licking me from the bottom to top of my center and I'm gone, pulsing, shaking, and vibrating. I’m barely coming down from the haze of euphoria when a trickle of dread runs through me, like I'm attuned to the world around me and my eyes pop open. To my horror I see Peeta standing very real and in the flesh with eyes wide as saucers on the other side of the glass while my fingers are still very much inside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to MaidenAlice, honeylime, and md907 for your comments. Also mucho mucho gracias to Diana_Flynn for being my beta.


	4. Back Where I Want to Be (Peeta's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay getting this out. This chapter was meant to be MUCH longer and it just keeps going and going so I decided to split it in too. I should have the next update up pretty soon. Hope you enjoy it. :-)

Chapter 4 - Back Where I Want to Be (Peeta's POV)

Somewhere along the road is my dead cold body rotting away and my soul has ascended up to some sort of porn heaven, I’m convinced of it, because there is no other reasonable explanation for what I’m witnessing right now. I've had this very fantasy a few hundred times and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would witness Katniss Everdeen moaning my name while she masterbating herself into the most beautiful orgasm I have ever witnessed. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm dead right now.

_A few days earlier_

If she keeps that up much longer, Katniss Everdeen is definitely going to kill me. An ass so perfect that wiggles so enticingly should probably be outlawed, but I’m definitely glad that it isn’t. Earlier today, I had no idea I would somehow end up back in the Everdeen house with Kat making popcorn in the kitchen while she hums and dances along to the terrible jingle playing on TV. I tried over and over again for something that would bring her back to me, anything. Eventually I resorted to begging and pleading to God for a miracle, because I had so little success that it would take divine intervention to bring her back. Cato's hold on Katniss was too strong and he was constantly by her side, like a leech. 

Just the thought of him sets my blood boiling again, my hand is clenching so hard I can feel my beer can crushing under my fingers. I immediately let go of the can and try to count to 10 like my father taught me when I was 5 in order to calm myself down. I get to 30 before I can breathe normally again and I am relieved Katniss never turned around to see me struggle to keep calm. There are no words to describe how furious I am because of the things he said to her today. He should count himself lucky he's not in the hospital at this point. The only reason I stopped myself from doing more than hose him down was because Katniss was there and I didn't want to do anything that would even remotely resemble him.

I'm so lost in my thoughts in eviscerating Cato, I don't even realize that Katniss has finished making the popcorn until she plops down next me. She sits next to me awkwardly holding herself stiff and straight, gripping the bowl in her lap, the polar opposite of her almost carefree demeanor in the kitchen. I hate that she holds herself back from me, that there is this wall separating us. The one brief moment of closeness we had earlier today lying on the grass in the sun feels like a far off dream.

When we were kids, we were inseparable, doing almost everything together. It didn't hurt that our yards were linked together and that our fathers were old friends. I can't count how often Katniss and Gale would pull me into the woods in ill-fated attempts to make me a hunter. They often laughed at how clumsy and loud I was, but I was laughing along with them. After a few hours of unsuccessful hunting, we would just float in the lake and let the dirt and grim wash away. In the dark of night while Gale slept like the dead, Kat and I would snuggle in a sleeping bag, watching the stars move across the sky while we divulged all our secrets to each other. I didn't think things would ever change, we would always be the world to each other, but I was a stupid kid. When we got to high school, at first things were just the same as they always had been, but soon enough she was drifting further and further away. The more I tried to keep things the same, the worse it got. By senior year it felt like we were more acquaintances than friends.

Sometimes I wondered if she pushed me away because she knew I had feelings for her and she couldn't feel the same way. Other times I convinced myself it was because I was just too damn annoying to her, it's not like we exactly had similar personalities. No matter how many times I told myself to get over it and move on she would do something just so Katniss, anything really and I was pulled right back in. I can't even count how many times she's left me with an uncomfortable boner. And coincidentally, I'm in the same situation seven years later. Even in this tense situation, that damn wiggle was enough and I'm 15 all over again.

The silence has stretched between us a little too long and I don't know what to do or say to put her at ease and it so frustrating because I use to easily know how to put a smile on her face. Katniss suddenly plops the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of us with a bang, making me jump a little, and a few of the kernels fly in the air before bouncing landing around us. I look up at her face and I find her nervously biting her lip. She let's out an uncomfortable laugh before saying, "This is kinda awkward isn't it."

I let out a chuckle of my own before dragging my hand through my hair making the curls even more unruly and I'm sure it's a riot around my head with pieces sticking up everywhere. I scrub my face with my hand trying to come up with something to say, anything. I'm not used to being abandoned by my vocabulary. 

"Yeah, I couldn't agree more," I end up saying. "It seemed pretty easy for a moment out there, lying on the lawn, just like old times, like none of this shit ever happened."

Katniss slumps into the couch, a small frown forming on her face, like she's trying to solve a puzzle that keeps eluding her. 

"So, what do we do, umm, I mean, what do I do to make this better between us?" she asks quietly.

I slump down next to her and bump her shoulder. We really are making it harder than it should be. "Here give me your hand," I answer.

She hesitates before slowly putting her right hand in front of me cautiously, like I'm about to bite it off. I grab it quickly with my left hand and intertwine our fingers.

"See," I say, "That's not so bad. We're both still alive, and we haven't combusted into flames."

A small smile breaks on to her face as her luminous grey eyes shine into my own before she leans her head on my shoulder. God I missed looking into those eyes. Her next words are almost too quiet to hear.

"I missed this, I missed us, for longer than this last year. I missed my best friend. I'm not usually one for confessions, but I'm feeling pretty self-reflective at the moment. I'm just so embarrassed right now, you must think... you all must think that I'm such an idiot." When she finishes, she looks away and her muscles tense in a way that signals to me she is ready to pull away so I tighten my fingers around her hand and tug her closer. I use my other hand to bring up her face and I look her in the eyes.

"Katniss, you're not an idiot and I don't want to hear you say anything negative about yourself again." I'm so afraid that she will run off again at any second, and if she does, who knows if we can repair the fragile friendship we have left. But I still can't hold back from asking questions that need to be asked, so I dive in. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course," she answers back softly, trying her best to keep eye contact with me but I can tell that she is still nervous.

"What happened to the Katniss I once knew? The huntress who would defend herself and her friends against an army if she needed to. What did Cato do to you? Why did you choose him in the first place? Are you going back to him? Do I have to run him out of town?" 

Once I start asking, I just can't seem to stop, all the questions that I've had turning in my head just keep flooding out and there are more knocking on the door. I stop as fast as I start realizing I've probably overwhelmed her and I prepare myself for to try and shut me out. What I don't expect from her is the genuine laugh that comes from her. I look at her to see a light shining there that I haven't had the opportunity to see in a while.

"Did I tell you that I missed you Peeta? You're so predictable, I knew you couldn't just ask one question, it's just not in you. You were always so inquisitive, I could never keep anything from you, well except...umm.. let's backtrack. What do you want answered first?"

"Are you ever going back to him?" Is the first thing that pops out before I even have a chance to think.

"Nope, definitely not. That's over and done with, I swear." She give my hand a hard squeeze and I can see here eyes harden with resolve. I let out a breath in relief I have been holding for a year now. At least that's one less thing I have to worry about.

"Okay, so what happened? I just don't understand what you saw in him in the first place and why you stayed with him so long?" I ask. I try not to be angry with her, but a large part of me is so mad at her for getting swallowed up in a guy like that. I really want to understand, but I just can't.

She sighs and looks back down. "I don't know if I can look at you while I tell you this." I start to protest but she puts a finger on my lips before I can spit out any words. "I didn't say I wasn't going to answer you. Just lay down with me for a bit. I think it will be easier." 

Katniss starts to lay down on the couch and pulls me down behind her, dragging my arm around her waist and starts to play with my fingers. I can smell the soft scent of her lavender shampoo as her hair spills out across on my chest. We nestle in the couch, getting comfortable before she start.

"It's a short simple story actually. Probably something told by women before and after me. I was in a low point in my life and he was there. He was sweet and kind and loving, and I was lonely. I figured why not, he seems like a pretty good guy, at least I would have another friend. Everything was pretty good there for awhile, he said and did all the right things and my parents approved. Then he wanted me to move in with him after a couple months. I thought it might be too soon, but he was pretty persuasive. It all really started there, but little at first. He'd get upset when I wasn't in the apartment when he got home and said it showed I didn't care about him like I should. Said, I spent too much time being with my friends than with him. Said I should work on our relationship, that I worked too many hours. And it just kinda gained steam from there. When he started calling me an idiot, and saying I was worthless, it hadn't been anything I hadn't heard before, so it was easy to believe."

"Wait, hold on," I say, stopping her from continuing. "Who called you those things before? It can't be your parents, they adore you guys."

"It doesn't matter anymore Peeta, just drop it, I shouldn't have brought that up," she answers.

Frustration rises in me and soon I'm turning her to face me and I grip her waist so she doesn't squirm away.

"Clearly it does matter if it affected you so much. I'm serious Kat, tell me, who said these things to you." When she doesn't answer me back immediately I just know, like I've always really known but was afraid to acknowledge to myself and suddenly I'm so ashamed. "It was my mom wasn't it."

She nods her head in assent and my heart sinks to my stomach. I pull her tight against me and just hug her for awhile before the words come back to me.

"I'm so sorry Kat, I should have protected you from her. I thought her evil vitriol was just directed to me and my brothers since it was so important to her to look perfect. During high school she seemed to ease up on us. Suddenly she was a bit closer in a way I always wanted and I didn't question it, none of us did. I was just so relieved that she wasn't, well, she wasn't being herself. Fuck, I should have known better."

This time it's Katniss who is grabbing my face and bringing it to her own. She gently wipes the tears of frustration that has slipped down my cheek with her thumb before bringing our foreheads back together.

"Peeta, it's not your fault, I shouldn't have listened to her. I should have done so many things, but I was weak, and I let her words affect me. Please don't blame yourself, I'll just feel more guilty if you do."

"Katniss, that's not fair, you can't just drop this bomb on me and think I'm not going to feel at least a little responsible." I answer, rolling my eyes.

"Peeta just stop, of anybody you're the least responsible for your mom's actions. You're the best thing to come from her,” she says resting her chin on my chest. Her eyes sparkle and her lip quirks up in an irresistible way. “It's water under the bridge now, so why don't we just hug it out?"

"Hug it out, really Katniss?" I ask, not being able to suppress the smirk playing at the corner of my lip. I know she’s trying to steer the conversation away and she is succeeding because her offer is too tempting to resist.

"Yup," she answers, popping the p. So I do, I hug her and she hugs me back like it's the end of the world and I am the last thing she can grab on to. Every bit of her body presses against mine and it feels like we've hit the reset button, like the word is righting itself from being topsy-turvy for so long, and things can and will be good again.

After a few good minutes pass we finally pull away from each other just far enough so I can look down on her. "Well, the serious part of our conversation isn't over with, but let's press pause for now and watch a movie and eat that popcorn before it goes stale."

"Sounds like a plan to me," she answers with a small smile and a look of relief. We sit back up on the couch and she thankfully she leans back into me instead of pulling away. I drape my arm over her shoulder as I hit the play button and let the movie play for 5 minutes or so before I think of asking her, "So how would you feel about seeing the whole gang at Haymitch's tomorrow night?"

She just groans while nestling her head on my shoulder, "Can we put a pause on that too?" she mumbles out.

"Sure, but a short pause," I say before kissing her on the forehead then turning back to the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Diana_Flynn, to everyone who gave me kudos, and to: KeetaEverlark, CRfangirl, famousfremus, Sara, lostonthetardis, and everlasting1286 for leaving comments.


	5. On the Other Side of the Glass (Peeta's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I everyone! Thanks for the great comments and to everyone who gave me feedback, I really appreciate it. It's just going to get smuttier here on out.

Chapter 5 - On the Other Side of the Glass (Peeta's POV)

_ The Next Night _

"Fuck!" That woman is going to drive me crazy. I don't know what the hell happened that made her run out of the bar so quick. God I hope it wasn’t because of me. I push through the crowd of people trying to get to the exit and get outside just in time to see her hop into a car.

"Katniss! Katniss!" I yell like a fool as I try to catch up to her.

Just as the car starts to take off, she sticks her head out the window and yells back to me something about "catching me later" but I'm not sure if I caught all her words.

"Double fuck!" I take out my frustration by kicking a tire of a car next to me. That woman is going to drive me completely insane. Damn it, she wouldn't leave with Cato, would she? A blind panic starts to build inside of me with the thought of her running back to that complete ass. I try to tell myself I am overreacting and I quickly dial her number to calm my fears. All I get is her phone number after multiple attempts and any attempt at staying level headed are out the window. I tear back through the doors and spot the guys at the back of the bar by the pool tables. I know she said she was done with him, and I want to trust her, I really do, but I can't help but be worried. Especially considering how she took off like the hounds of hell were after her.

By the time I push through the crowd, I'm slightly out of breath and I've left a wake of very pissed off drinkers behind me. Gale, Finnick, and Thresh are about to start a game of pool when they see me coming their way and wave me over. The girls are nowhere in sight so I assume they're still in the back patio.

"Hey perfect timing, we were just about to start a game, now we can do two on two," says Finnick as I finally reach them.

"I think Katniss took off with Cato, we need to go find her," I say urgently, while trying to catch my breath before telling them what I just saw.

A confused look crosses Gale's face and he rubs his head in worry, "But, I thought, she was over that stupid shit," he growls out. In frustration he throws down the cue down on the table harder then should, "Why didn’t we just get rid of that loser mob style when we had the chance? Let’s find Prim, maybe she’ll have an idea of where they could have gone.”

Worry and anger burn their way in my gut and I’m not sure who I’m more upset with, myself for letting her run away, Cato for existing, or Katniss for putting us through hell for so long. I can feel my fingers tighten painfully around my phone, so I shove it in my pocket and I start scanning around for for Prim when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I'm so intent on my purpose I was totally caught by surprise and I jump up startled.

"Hey man, I was trying to get your attention, but you were spacing out," says Thom.

"Sorry, I don't have time right now, I have to track down Katniss, she took off to who knows where." I try to move around him, but he steps in front of me and pushes my shoulder to stop.

"Yeah, overheard you just now. About that, I went looking for Jo because she went out for a smoke and the car's gone. Katniss didn't happen to hop into a silver civic with a bumper sticker saying "Don't ride my ass" on it?"

I think about it for a moment before replying, "Definitely a silver car, didn't notice a sticker though, I was too busy making a fool of myself trying to flag her down."

"I'm 95% sure she took off with my crazy girlfriend then. And I do know that Cato left alone in a white truck because I watched him leave when I was talking to Darius outside. So, you can take a breath man." Thom gives me a short thump on my shoulder before taking a large swig of his beer.

"Are you sure? Because I'm on the verge of a girly freakout, and it's not attractive." I say.

"I'm pretty sure, and knowing Jo, she loves to take off in dramatic fashion. I'm going to get you a drink, you look like you need it right now," he responds before giving me one last pity thump on my shoulder.

Thom makes a path to the to the bar and I slump down onto a stool next to the pool table the guys were about to use. My heart is still thumping hard in my chest from the adrenaline and I know it will take awhile to completely calm down. I also realize that I had been dragging my hands through my hair so I'm pretty sure I look like Harpo Marx since it’s sticking up in every direction. Katniss was going to be the death of me and then I would take pleasuring in haunting her until the end of her days for giving me a heart attack. The stress Katniss has put me through clearly must be etched on my face because when I look up the guys are staring at me with sympathetic looks on their faces.

"Well, I guess we might as well play some pool now that our little issue has been resolved," says Finnick as he moves to the rack and picks out a pool cue.

"I think I'm just going to head home, I'm wiped out," I reply, getting up from my seat. What I'm not saying is that I'm pretty embarrassed by my complete over-reaction just now and I'd rather just tuck my tail between my legs and leave with some of my dignity intact.

"Don't be an idiot. Look, here comes Thom with a pitcher of beer, you can't leave now. Plus, I know you, you're just going to sulk and that's pathetic and I can't have pathetic people for friends. It lowers my natural sexual magnetism." Finnick gives me one of this patented smirks and although I want to smack it off of him, I let out a chuckle instead. Leave it to him to make it all about himself.

"I guess, one beer couldn't hurt. But, I'm going to sit this game out. You guys go ahead." I pour myself some of the Newcastle that Thom chose for us, and take a healthy gulp before slumping back down. If my mother only saw me now she would give my back a hard slap for such bad posture. Watching the easy going camaraderie of my friends, I willi myself to relax a little, but my thoughts keep taking me back to the dark hair girl who has been a constant thorn in my side since I first met her.

As Gale takes his turn, bragging about his pool prowess, Finnick plops down on the stool next to me, shoving me in the shoulder with his own. "See, this is what, I'm talking about, you're already sulking. You're like a dark cloud of here,” his hand waving over my head in a circle and I bat it away like it's an annoying fly. “Peet, what is up with you and Kat anyway? There is more than just friend drama bullshit going on with the two of you."

"That's the thing, nothing is going on with us. Nothing has ever gone on with us. Nothing! Every single fucking time I try to get close to her, something happens or she pulls away or I do something stupid. It's been like that since high school. It's like the powers that be are against us, or just hate me and I just want to be with her, just finally be with her after all this time." The frustration I've been holding back all these years makes the words tumble out before I could even think of holding them back from saying something insane. I can tell, that I've surprised Finnick too, because his eyes are wide in surprise and amusement.

"Okay," he drawls out slowly, "I wasn't really expecting that, but this is something I can actually work with." He rubs his hand together and a look of evil glee flashes across his face. What did I get myself into? "So you are telling me, that one loquacious chatty Peeta Mellark has had a boner for our little quiet bird Katniss Everdeen all these years, and you never mumbled a word about it."

"I wouldn't say that, it's not like I've been totally silent about it. Jo and Madge got it out of me one evening in high school after everyone had passed out at a party and I was too drunk to keep my mouth shut," I answer defensively.

"Yeah, but still, you're usually an open book, you talk about everything. I feel like I should know this about already. How do I not know this? Color me confused right now. This is a pretty big reveal." I see a slight flash of hurt move across his face before he quickly pushes it away.

"I don't know, it's just that, I've always been embarrassed," I start, trying to grab words that make sense. I see Finnick's eyes squint in growing anger and I realize what I said and how it sounds, "No! Don't think that, I'm not embarrassed of her, not at all. Embarrassed of myself. It's just that my mom has always been pretty vocal when it came to how disappointed she was in me, her unwanted useless third son. It didn't help my confidence that I went through all those chubby years. If I had to hear dough boy one more time...Anyway, I'm rambling. I just didn't want to be laughed at. Jo said I was an idiot."

"Because you are an idiot. What am I going to do with you? I should have known you were in love with Everdeen all these years, you're such a damn romantic. You would be in love with the girl next door silently pining away in the shadows," Finnick responds emphasizing his words with dramatic hand gestures.

"Okay, a little over the top Finn, it hasn't been that bad, has it?" His only response is to give me a 'Give me a break' look before getting up and heading back to the pool table. He tapped Gale on the shoulder, interrupting a debate with Thresh on what shot he should go for next.

"Tell him what you told me earlier," he orders him.

"What? That Annie should have you tested for every STD known to man before letting you stick it in?" Gale responds cheekily.

"That wasn't funny the first time," says Finnick before cuffing him upside the head, "No, what you told me at the bar after Cato took off."

"I disagree, still funny," Gale laughs before looking over to me, "I told Finn that I was proud of you for finally making a move on Kat. It's about time too, I thought she was going to combust from sexual frustration considering how long you've been holding out on her."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know why I put up with the crap you guys spout off half the time with all the the shit that comes out of your mouth." The frustration just wells up further when Gale just shakes his head in amusement.

"Oh, I'm not talking shit. I'm probably the only one who knew, so I'm not surprised actually. You know how she is, the ultimate poker player. But I am one of the privileged few to have inside information on our dear Catnip, practically cousins as you know."

"So you're saying you know the inner workings of her mind? More than me?" I ask doubtfully.

"Well no," he answers, "But I do know the inside of her personal girly diary. Or what she mistakenly likes to call a ‘journal.’ I peeked inside of it when we were, ohh, about 16? We had a study session, and it was just there, waiting for me. I was pretty pissed to find out she liked you too because I had a crush on her at the time. Don't tell Madge, she'd kick my ass. Don't kick my ass either, that was eons ago."

"Is that why you brooded like a pansy for 3 months and spent all that time holded up in shop class avoiding the group? I thought you were just trying to build up that manly dark and silent mystique to pull in all the ladies," interjects Finnick, with a dawn of understanding lighting up his eyes.

"Sad to admit, but yes, I sulked a little bit. Okay, a lot. But, you're right, the girls loved it. I got a good number of girls into the C building stairwell because of it. Don't tell Madge that either." Gale answers, looking around to see if he can spot his girlfriend anywhere near him.

The last part of Gale’s ramblings is lost on me because I’m stuck on a loop where she has liked me since she was 16. "I think I need to sit down," is all I can stay. My head is feels like a churning storm. I'm so confused, I have no idea where to direct my thoughts and a headache is definitely starting to form.

"Umm, you're kinda already sitting down," Finnick tells me, amusement lighting his face. "Thresh, get the man a stronger drink, I think he's going to need it."

"I think we exploded his brain," jokes Gale, and all the guys chuckle at his comment. I'm sure I looked pretty shell-shocked, because I feel that way. I can't get my brain around the fact that Katniss might actually like me back, and if that's the truth, we wasted a whole lot of years. When Thresh comes back, he hands me a glass of whisky and I down it one gulp, letting the burn in my throat revive me.

"I think you guys have given him enough information to process for now, let him think it over," Thresh tells Gale and Finnick who are most likely still making jokes at my expense. "I think you're just gonna have to talk to her Peet", he tells to me. He pats me on the shoulder before turning back to the pool table and starting a new game. He hands me a cue and directs me to break.

"Talking to us isn't going to help your situation any. What the hell do we know about girls anyway except never tell them they look fat in anything they are wearing. You might as well enjoy the rest of the evening," Thresh tells me.

He has a good point. I thrust my cue towards the eight ball breaking the triangle, and try to get lost in the strategy of the game, but my brain doesn't travel far from the enigma that is Katniss Everdeen. Just as I miss a shot, my phone buzzes in my pocket so I quickly take it out and see Katniss's name flashing on the screen. Even though I practically yell at her like an angry dad, relief floods me at hearing her voice and knowing that she's okay. I want to stay mad at her but she's so embarrassed and sheepish for taking off I can't help but soften and my anger just melts away; god I am so whipped.

The one thing that gnaws at me long after I hang up the phone is the use of the word 'friend'. I'm really starting to hate that word. Is that all she sees me as? Is that all I'll ever be to her? By the end of our conversation, I convinced myself that the guys were just teasing poor pathetic Peeta again and I should shove down any hope their words had given me.

The rest of the night I walk in a fog. I drink a few more beers, play a couple more rounds of pool and semi-participate in the conversations flowing around me, but I can't really focus on anything other than Katniss. It's an unending see-saw on what what I hope for and what I realistically think will happen.

At the end of the night, between the drinks and my complete distraction I pretty much know I shouldn't be driving home, so I leave my truck and walk the mile back to my apartment. The cold crisp air is like a refreshing slap in the face, and I feel myself finally waking up out of my pathetic stupor. Thresh is right, I just need to talk to her, and probably sooner than later. I don't know if Katniss wants me or not, but I know we have both been avoiding being truthful with each other for years now and it's time we just get over our issues. If she wants to be friends, then so be it, I'll finally move on once and for all.

I get to my house sooner than I expect and the sweet nothing of sleep calls to me so strongly. I can't help but sigh in relief as the softness of my blankets envelop me as I flop into bed. Comfort is short lived and sleep escapes me because my brain continues to works overtime, running around in circles that turns into chaotic confused dreams. Fuck I should have known better. When the alarm goes off I'm almost relieved to be up even if it's at an ungodly hour of the morning. After a quick shower, and in a not so good mood, I head off to the bakery to get lost in the comfortable routine of the bakery.

Of course once again, I'm wrong. It was stupid to think that I could get lost in the soft kneading of dough or the piping of sweet frosting. All I could think about was the softness of her skin under mine as I held her tight or the sweetness of her lips as they barely touched mine under the shadow of a pillar, and the fragrance of her hair as it tickled my nose. I am a total goner. I know I should just talk to her, but the raging boner I'd produce probably just looking at her would not only make me feel like a 15 year old boy all over again, but would definitely make her run far far away.

"Peeta, where's your head today? You just singed that last rack of bread." I thought I was hiding my distraction pretty well until I forgot the bread, which I never do, and of course my dad is right here to notice.

"Sorry, dad, I'll get it together, I promise. Good thing mom's not here anymore or I'd probably be thrown out with the burnt bread into the alley," I say trying to make light of the situation, but my dad is having none of it.

"Not funny Peeta, have a little more respect, will yeah," he says giving me his patented dad 'I'll kick your ass look', which really more looks like a kitten coming over to kick your ass.

"Really dad, you’re still defending her after everything?" I snap back, snorting in disbelief.

"Okay, okay, you’re right, it's just that old habits die hard. It's not easy to just stop loving someone, even if she was mean as a snake" he says, before turning back the cupcakes he's frosting.

"Your words not mine," I blurt out without thinking. After a pause, I say quietly, "I wish I did know how to turn it off, it'd make life a whole lot simpler." He turns around and stares at me with a knowing look before a smile turns the corner of a lip.

"Ahh, now I know what's going on. This is about a girl. I should have known that burnt bread was a clue. All signs of a man in love. I think I know who it is too."

"Dad, stop, I don't want to talk about it," I say trying to walk away. 

“Au contraire Peeta, you want to scream it from the hills. I think you’ve been suppressing for a long long time son and it’s burning you up inside, as evidenced by the burnt bread." He picks one up and raps his knuckles on the hard burnt edge, making me cringe. "You know that’s the Mellark way. We’re known for over-exposing ourselves. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t combusted by now. You know, Katniss isn't going to bite your head off.”

"Who says it's Katniss?" My only answer is a feeble protest. My dad just rolls his eyes at me and I relent, "Okay, you're right, that was stupid, what's the point in denying it. I'm in love with Katniss Everdeen." And with that statement, I plop my head down on the work table. It really shouldn't be that hard to admit that to my dad.

My dad starts a slow clap in dramatic fashion and when I lift my head, his chuckle turns into a full belly laugh.

"I have flour all over my face don't I," I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Yup, and a little bit of pink frosting on your face. You might want to wipe it off, I won't be able to concentrate with that pink penis shaped schmutz pointing at me." He's trying not to laugh, but barely. I wipe off the bit frosting and lick it off my finger.

"But seriously son, why don't you just go and talk to her, you might be surprised what you find out," he continues.

"That's what Thresh said. What can I say, I'm like most human beings, I fear rejection and loathing." I just need to get over my issues, but it's not easy fighting my demon of self doubt and being loathed by Katniss is the worst pain I can imagine.

"Well, you might get rejected, but you definitely won't get loathing. Why don't you take the rest of the day off. You're useless to me right now anyway. Besides, Rye wanted to pick up an extra shift to help pay for that muscle car he's been eyeing."

"But dad, I'm fine, I could use the distraction," he just puts up his hand to stop my protests.

"Stop right there, it's a slow day, you have things to deal with, plus I don't want any more crispy hunks of bread smoking up the kitchen."

"Now you're over-exaggerating, it wasn't that bad, just a little extra crispy," I mumble back sheepishly.

"If that makes you feel better, just keep telling yourself that," he laughs. When he gets his man giggles under control he comes over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder, and although the mirth is still shining out of his eyes, he takes on a more serious tone.

"You just need to get out of here and go do something stupid. I feel partially responsible for your reluctance to grab on to life. You had me as an example all these years, always meek, always a push over to the whims of your mom. Just don't make the mistakes I did. Speak up, live life a little. Be that romantic foolish guy in love I know you are. The bakery and all the sweet pastries you need for a good wallow will be here if you're rejected. Now I’m going to hug you, and you’ll just have to put up with it.”

My dad always knows how to drag out a laugh from me, and this time is no different. He gives me a huge bear hug and although I'm playfully rolling my eyes, I still appreciate all the support he's given me though the years, and now is no exception. His warm hug instantly send me back to my clutzy youth when I was constantly falling on my face; each time he would quickly pick me up and tell me his hugs were magically healing then send me on his way. Sure, I'm a grown man, but I can admit, I held on just as tight before letting go.

"Okay, okay, dad, I've got a reputation to uphold," I say before intentionally starting a slap fight with him.

We both dissolve into laughter before he answer's back, "Yeah, a dorky reputation to uphold, just like your old man."

"Thanks for the advice and giving me my freedom for the afternoon. Wish me luck," I say as I take off my apron and hang it on the hook next to the back door.

"Believe me, you won't need the extra luck but I wish it for you anyway."

As I finally head out the door I can’t help but hope he’s right or I’m headed to a world of humiliation and embarrassment. I quickly make my way back to the Everdeen household and Prim opens the door before I can even knock, promptly announcing, “Kat isn’t home right now, she decided to head to the cabin early,” Not letting me even get a "hello" out.

"Umm, is she by herself? I ask nervously as I rub the back of my head.

"She should be, I don't see why she wouldn't be," she answers. Prim casually leans against the door with a small smirk on her face. If I have to see one more person smirk at me like they know the entire insides of my brain I'm going to totally lose it. God, I feel as transparent as cellophane right now.

"Uh, okay, I guess I'll just take off then. See you tomorrow." Clearly words have decided to leave on a vacation because I sound like a fumbling idiot. God I hope I pull it together when I see Kat.

I turn around and start heading over my house when Prim yells out to me, "Go get her Tiger! Don't choke!" and she starts giggling before slamming the door shut. My only reaction is hang my head and groan, little sisters can be such a pain.

First on the list of things to do is to shower and take off all the bakery dust. Plus, I'm pretty sure I have frosting matting up my hair from all the times I've run my dirty hands through it today. Once I get that over with, I feel like an actual human being again and I'm more ready to face the rest of the day. I quickly pack a bag of clothes for the weekend ahead and another bag filled with whatever food I can find in the fridge and cabinets. Hopefully dad will forgive me for picking the house clean, it just never hurts to be prepared.

As I finally hit the road, next comes the most important item on my list, thinking of something good say to Katniss that will convince her to go out with me on a date. I figure that the ride up to the cabin would be long enough to give me time to come up with something pretty good. Unfortunately as I start running through different lines, each one is more awkward than the last. When I eventually arrive at the cabin I end up coming up with, "Katniss, I think you're swell," so I figure that a) I've been watching too many black & white movies with my dad, and b) maybe it's best if I just wing it.

I pull into the driveway and my heart is beating so fast it feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. When I get out of the car I take a moment to take in the serene sights and sounds of the woods to calm down. I remember such great times I've had up here with Katniss and looking at the beautiful surroundings, it's easy to feel optimistic about my decision to come up here. I take a deep breath for courage and move to open the front door but find it locked which is pretty unusual for our trips up to the cabin. We've always had an open door policy since there really isn't anybody around and I know Katniss has to be here because her Jeep is in the driveway. My new found optimism quickly fades as the minutes pass and Katniss fails to answer my knocks on the door.

I scratch my head in bewilderment, wondering if maybe she went on a hike, and figure my only option is to go around back to see if the door off the back deck is open. As I head around the corner of the house to the back, I stop in my tracks in awe at the wide vista of the sun setting over the lake. The fiery orange reflects off the softly moving water while birds glide gracefully above. Damn, I wish I had my paint brushes out right now because it is probably the most gorgeous sight I've seen in a long while. I try to memorize every detail that I can in hopes that I can paint it later except I would paint Katniss sitting on the dock, feet in the water as she takes in the sunset.

Unfortunately, since I'm paying too much attention to my surroundings instead of my own feet, I end up tripping on the deck that lines the back of the house and pretty much take a painful header to the floor and bump my head on a chair on the way down. I sit up and groan in embarrassment even though there is no one but the wildlife to witness my humiliation, at least I hope so. I look up, rubbing my head and right there before me is the large picture window to the living room and I catch a glimpse of Katniss's long chocolate brown hair as she sits in a chair in front of the window. Of course, why shouldn't I act like an idiot around the one girl I'm trying to impress. I send her a little wave but she doesn't answer back. There is a bit of a reflection bouncing off the window so when I stand up to take a look I notice that she isn't even really looking in my direction. The the sun dips down below the horizon and the light inside seems to flare up brighter illuminating the scene inside.

"Oh great good god in heaven," I exclaim as I fall back down hard on my ass in surprise. I clap my hand over my mouth to stop any other words from escaping in fear of interrupting the glorious mirage in front of me. I must have bumped my harder than I thought because how else could I explain seeing a naked gorgeously writhing Katniss touching herself while lit up from behind. She is like one of those window woman in Amsterdam's Red Light District, except hotter, oh so much hotter.

In an instant I am painfully hard and if I thought I wanted her before, it is nothing in comparison to how I feel now. I am the moth drawn to her flame and without even paying attention I get up from the ground, forgetting any pain, and I am now inches from the glass. I know I should walk away, look away, do anything except stare, but I am completely frozen in place by the most erotic sight I have ever seen. There is not one part of her that his hidden from me and she is more beautiful than I ever imagined.

As the minutes pass by her undulations become faster and her pelvis moves to a beat I can feel in my heart. I can see how wet she is as her fingers work furiously on her clit. When one hand moves up to one of her full breasts, I let out another groan, this is definitely going to kill me, I'm sure of it. Oh, how I want to be on the other side of that window being the one to give her the pleasure I see coursing through her body, so I press my fingers to the cold glass in a futile attempt to get closer to her heat. And then she says "Peeta" in a long breathless moan, my actual name and I almost come undone right there. I have absolutely no idea how I manage to keep it together.

Somewhere along the road is my dead cold body rotting away and my soul has ascended up to some sort of porn heaven, I’m convinced of it, because there is no other reasonable explanation for what I’m witnessing right now. I've had this very fantasy a few hundred times and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would witness Katniss Everdeen moaning my name while she masterbating herself into the most beautiful orgasm I have ever witnessed. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm dead right now. But I'm pretty happy here, so that's okay.

Her glistening breast move rapidly up and down as she attempts to catch her breath and I'm completely entranced by their beautiful jiggle. This probably would be a good time to start moving, if I could but no natural disaster on earth could move me right now. Suddenly her eyes pop open and in a flash I realize it's definitely too late to go back to whatever we were before. Her eyes open wide in shock and our gazes meet for a moment that seems to go on forever but probably lasts a couple of seconds at the most. I see everything from shock, to lust, to anger in that moment before she sprints up from the chair and runs to the back house in a blur of naked limbs. The trance that holds me immobile is instantly broken as I see her disappear up the stairs and the cold splash of reality sets in.

"Shit," is followed by a string of other colorful expletives leaving my mouth, as I tear down the deck to the glass french doors that lead into the kitchen. I hesitate a quick moment before grabbing the door knob, silently praying it isn't locked so I won't have to break a window and cause property damage. Luckily, it gives way and I take off as fast as I can into the direction of where she ran. I'm pretty sure she is hiding out in her bedroom and I'm not wrong when I see a light shining under the door and I press my ear to the door hear her movement. 

"Katniss, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to ummm, stare at you like that. Please come out, we need to talk." My voice takes on a pleading tone as I talk to the locked door in front of me. I don't hear a word in reply and only silence answers me.

"Katniss, are you there?" I ask.

After a few tense moments, finally I hear a small, "Yes," reply back to me.

"Katniss, please come out. It's really not bad right? So I saw you naked, it's not like we haven't seen each before." I plead to the door.

"That was when we were kids, and I thought you were deformed because you had something else sticking out of you and you thought I was deformed because I didn't. So it doesn't count." I can hear in her voice the fire she has been tempering far too long flaring up in anger. I hope she is angry enough at me that she opens the door so I can talk to her face to face but to my great frustration the door remains firmly locked with her on the other side.

After a moment of silence while I try to think up a way to instigate her, she continues, "Peeta, I wasn't just naked, I was, umm, I was, well, I was doing you know,"

"Masterbating?" I dare to answer.

"Yeah, that. I don't know if I can ever look you in the face again. Just go away please so I can pick up whatever shreds of dignity I have left," she finishes, growing silent again.

"Katniss, don't be so dramatic. We all do it. Come on, just come out so we can talk about it. Please?"

Silence just answers me and I have no idea how to get her back out. Our friendship has been on such a tentative tightrope as it is, I'm afraid this might kill it dead. I know Katniss, and stubbornness is so ingrained in her wiring, she won't easily give up being upset, especially if it is something she is embarrassed by. I'm not above begging, but it's really hard groveling to a closed door. After a few minutes of pleading with no answer I shuffle back to the living room and slump into the big cushy chair by the window where the "incident" began.

I rack my mind for any way I can get her to come out but my brain is an absolutely blank. So I end up talking to the culprit of this whole fiasco, my fucking dick, "Oh, you just HAD to keep staring, didn't you. You just couldn't walk away and pretend like nothing ever happened."

Despite being very hard from what I had witnessed, the useless begging and pleading has made me flaccid again. My mind flashes back to Katniss writhing on this very chair with her perky tits glistening with sweat, and just like that I am back to half mast. "Really? Can't you hold it together for more than 5 minutes?" Okay, it was official, I am losing my mind, I am starting to talk to myself... well my penis.

Suddenly a crazy stupid idea flashes through my brain. I try to shake it off, but it keeps sticking. It's so unbelievably idiotic I could be shooting myself in the foot if I try it, but yet I can't seem to walk away from it. My dad did tell me to do something stupid. With every reason I come up with to not do it, I keep countering with 'Well, I'm in the shitter anyway, can it really make it that much worse?' and that ultimately convinces me to just go through with it. So, I unbutton my pants, pull down the zipper and pull out my penis from the top of my underwear. I begin a slow, steady soft stroke since I don't have any lotion next to me and close my eyes and bring back the image of Katniss with her fingers moving rhythmically deep inside her. Too quickly, my half mast is full and throbbing for only her. Before I go too far, I stop and dig my phone out of my pocket and take a picture. Keeping myself from changing my mind I open a text message, type "Are we even now?" and press send. I don't know whether to hope she has her phone in her room or not.

Oh god, what have I done.


	6. Fair play (Katniss's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I have been working on the story regularly but it took a lot longer than I thought. Hopefully Katniss's reaction was worth the wait. I appreciate the feedback. :-)

Chapter 6 - Fair play (Katniss's POV)

Its nice here in my little dark warm cocoon I've made for myself under the covers. Under here I can pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist as I try to gather the last shreds of my dignity around me and piece it back together. Actually, I don't think that last part is possible, my dignity has been run through a tree shredder and it's in a confetti pile downstairs where Peeta just saw me touching myself and calling his name out. I hate Jo with a passion of a thousand suns right now. This is what I get for following her advice - pain and humiliation.

The blankets dull the sound of Peeta's plea to open the door and after awhile I don't hear anything so I peek my head out to check, and sure enough, it's completely silent now. I fall back on the bed and pull the blankets back over my head. My nerves are on edge wondering what he's doing. Why did he give up so easily? Is he waiting for me to become complacent and confront me when I open the door? Is he still waiting outside the door? I don't know if I can ever be able to leave this room again. I'll just have to bribe somebody to bring me food and supplies. Luckily there is a connecting bathroom so I can probably live here indefinitely, I'll just have to be that crazy woman in the woods, there's no other way.

The look on Peeta's face is permanently etched in my brain because every few moments the way his blue eyes were so wide they seemed to fill up his face, how his mouth formed a perfect O, or how his entire skin was flushed a ruby red flash before my eyes. I'm really going to miss looking at that beautiful face, and I hate that this will be the last memory I have of him, but I can't see any other alternative but to cut ties permanently. Maybe I can just move away to the other side of the world, join the peace corp and help build a village. Or maybe if I give myself a good knock on the head I can give myself amnesia. That last plan might be the winner so far. Damnit, the hammer is outside.

It’s not just that he saw me naked, that’s embarrassing enough but I can live through that. It was what I was actually 'doing', and I was really doing it...enthusiastically. On top of that, I was literally in full technicolor view spread open to him, not just furtive movements hidden under a blanket in the dead of night, so he saw all my bits and pieces. I wasn’t exactly expecting any action this evening so it’s not like I’m the most groomed 'down there' ever. Once before I had taken a glance at one of Cato's porn, and those girls were completely bare, and perfect, I can’t compare to that. I turn over onto my stomach and scream into my pillow. It doesn’t solve my dilemma but it helps at least alleviate some of the pressure crushing my chest. I know rationally it's not Peeta's fault what he saw, but I can't help but be mad at him too. What the hell is he even doing here so early? Doesn't he have a girlfriend to attend to?

Trying to suffocate myself under these blankets isn't working so I grab my phone from my bedside counter in hopes of drowning out my thoughts in music. Just as I plug my headphones in, the phone buzzes in my hand, and I find a text message arriving from Peeta. As much as I want to just toss my phone across the room, my curiosity wins out so I take a glance. The text only says "Are we even now?" and attached below is a picture that I can't quite make out so I swipe the phone and it takes me to my messages. Is that what I think it is? But he wouldn't, would he? I tentatively touch the picture almost as if it will burn me and it pops up full screen on my phone and then I do feel like flames have consumed me and I'm a just a burnt husk left over on my bed. There in my hands is a digital copy of Peeta's penis. His fucking penis, all angry, and throbbing, and oh my god, I'm going to kill him.

I pop out of bed and throw on my short kimono robe at the end of the bed before slamming the door open, flying down the stairs, and pounding into the living room. I don't know what to feel or do right now, so channeling extreme anger seems to be the best option. The sound of my noisy entrance turns Peeta away from the window sun glinting on his blonde locks and I am brought up short, feeling like there is not enough air in my body. I think of the picture lighting up my phone, and the humiliation of the situation comes rushing back and with it renewed outrage.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" I exclaim, tossing my phone at him where it hits him squarely in the chest.

"Well, clearly I wasn't thinking, but I ran out of ideas on how to get you out of your damn room Katniss. We really need to talk about this," he answers back. His words are quieter than mine but just as heated and his face is probably more flamed than mine is at the moment.

"No Peeta, we really don't, there will be no discussion." I turn around and head back to my room before stopping suddenly, curiosity burning in my stomach and turn back, "Why the hell send me a picture of your dick? Are you making of fun of me?" I didn't mean for my voice to come out so plaintive and sad. I really want to be strong and stand my ground but just thought that this might be a big joke to him makes my knees shake and my stomach tight.

"Why would you think I was making fun of you? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And well, if you came out and talked to me like an adult I wouldn't have to resort to drastic measures like taking pictures of my fucking peenis!" Peeta has always been the calm one between the two of us, but right now he is practically bursting with frustration and anger.

"What! Are you calling me a child?"

"Out of everything I just said, that's what you got, that I'm calling you a child!" I can see the exclamation marks practically jumping out of his head, but it's too late for me to back down now since he's slowly stalking his way toward me. I back up until I hit the wall next to the hallway door. I am so close to escape, why did I come out of my room again?

"Umm, yes? I mean, what else would you mean by it?" I say, almost squeeking. I can't look him in the face his glare is so intense it makes me press myself completely against the wall. He hovers over me without touching me but so close I can feel the heat radiating from his skin. I shiver as every single hair on my skin seems to be standing on end and reaching towards him. When I look up into his gaze, Peeta's eyes are dilated and he seems to be a man possessed without reason, like I have awakened a beast ready to come out.

"I meant that you were acting like a scared juvenile brat hiding out in your room," he pauses and his eyes scan my entire body before continuing, "Okay, so maybe I was calling you a child, but just little bit. So you know I don't ever see you that way. You have turned into a gorgeous woman with so many beautiful soft curves that it can drive a man into total distraction. Katniss you don't even know how much you are driving me absolutely insane because I want every part of you so badly I ache with it. I constantly burn for you." Who is this man in front of me? I've never heard sweet angelic Peeta ever say anything like this before.

With every word that he says, Peeta's face comes closer and closer to mine until his breath is fanning my face and his lips whisper against mine. With every breath he takes the movement of his chest presses against my soft breasts and I come a little bit more undone. I have no response to his words because my brain has stopped functioning. All the blood has left it and has migrated to lower regions that are now burning with want.

The soft friction against my sensitive nipples creates an electrical current straight to my center and I clench my legs tighter together. I suddenly realize just how little fabric there is to my robe and how naked I am underneath it. My eyes close in anticipation of his lips against mine while my heart seems to beat completely outside of me. Just as his lips barely touch the edges of mine he stops and he lifts his head, looking away sheepishly and I can't help the whimper of frustration that escapes my lips. Realization is dawning on his face as he is suddenly aware of our position and what he's about to do.

His forehead lands on the wall next to mine with a soft thump and he rolls it back and forth, like he's trying to find purchase back in reality. My hand lands in the middle of his chest and I can feel his heart beating just as fiercely as mine under my fingertips. My hand tightens on his t-shirt and pulls him closer to me. My lips land on his neck and I can feel his pulse thrumming under the soft skin, compelling me to place a kiss on the spot. Peeta takes in a quick intake of breath at my touch then nuzzles his nose into the hairline below my ear. Suddenly I can feel his wet tongue take a slow soft lick along my hot skin and soon every hair on my body feels like it's standing on end as a shiver of pure hot desire runs through me. His mouth lands on my ear and he whispers, "If I don't stop now, you'll consume me and soon I'll be ash."

His hands grip my waist before he starts to pull away from me, but I'm having none of it. I am fueled by desire and Peeta's soft touches have given me the fire to push my fears aside and go for what I have wanted for so long. I'm a woman possessed and the option to stop passed long ago so I literally lunge at him before I can stop myself. I grab him by the back of the neck and smash his lips completely on my own. His face is pointed to the side so it's a little awkward at first but that doesn't stop me from my goal.

At first Peeta's lips are still and slightly open in surprise, but as I start to move mine over his and suck his luscious bottom lip, he comes alive and surges against me pressing me further into the wall. Soon his mouth is moving almost frantically against my own and his hips are moving rhythmically eliciting the same response from me. The hands gripping at my waist loosen and I'm afraid he's going to try and separate from me again, but instead they move towards by bottom as his fingers dig into my soft flesh almost painfully, pulling me higher and tighter against him. My tongue probes the seam of his lips and he quickly opens his mouth to me and all too quickly are tongues are dancing and grappling for dominance. Whatever sane part of me that is left has quickly flown out the window and all I know is that I want to completely possess this man in front of me.

All to quickly, breathing becomes an issue and Peeta pulls away from me and I make a whining plaintive sound. He leans his forehead against my own and our harsh breaths beat against each others faces as we stare at each other, searching for answers in each other's eyes. He is the first to talk while I'm still trying to gather my chaotic thoughts.

"Oh god, Kat what have you done to me. I can't even begin to think straight, I want you so bad, but I wasn't kidding, we really need to talk."

"We can do that later, right now, we need to do a whole lot more kissing," I reply then aggressively grab the back of his neck tightly bringing his wonderful lips back against mine. I can barely think, and I don't want to; all I know is that I just want more and more of him. Our mouths are rough and hurried against each other barely giving each other time to breathe and I'm sure they will be bruised in the morning. 

His lips are a drug, I am an addict and I don't even want to begin thinking about giving them up. In the back of my head, there is a voice telling me that we really should discuss our relationship and figure things out before we move further down along this road, but there is another louder voice that sounds a lot like Joanna telling me to just shut the fuck up, stop thinking, and grab on to what I really want to for once in my life, so I do.

His tongue rushes into my mouth, exploring every crevice in attempts to explore me, and oh how I love it, but I want to explore everything about him as well. When he pulls back a little, I suck on his lower lip and lightly scrape it with my teeth and he lets out a low groan. His breath is heavy and strained and I can't help but feel pride in making him become so undone. I'm not doing much better myself; no matter how much I try I can't seem to catch my breath and Peeta actions aren't helping as he moves lower and starts creating a path of hot kisses down my neck. With every kiss he places, his soft wet tongue follows, tasting me, teasing me. He moves lower and lightly sucks on my collar bone before stopping right above my chest. He gives me a shy smile before before giving a soft kiss to the middle of my chest.

He places his right hand above my heart and seems to contemplate it's rhythm before he lowers himself to kneel in front of me looking up at me with his bright blue eyes shining brightly in the dim light. He softly asks, "May I?" and my only answer is the frantic nodding on my head. His left hand makes a path from my waist to join his other hand at the opening of my robe. He plays with the silky cloth finds there leaving me in sweet anticipation before he brings his hands down, pulling the robe apart.

All my previous bravery suddenly leaves me in a rush and I feel myself flush from head to toe in embarrassment of being so completely exposed. And this time there is no window separating us. He seems to sense my hesitation and nuzzles between my breasts and kisses the expanse in-between before saying, "I have never seen anything more beautiful than you. I've never known anybody more beautiful than you, inside and out. Please trust me. "

He says that I'm beautiful but as I stare down at him, I can't imagine anybody being more beautiful than him in that moment. I run my hands through his soft hair, which is already rumpled and sticking up in all directions, before bringing my hands to cover his heated cheeks flushed with excitement. I softly run my thumbs along his cheekbone before nodding and saying, "Always".

The smile that brightens his face is so filled with joy that he looks like a boy who just got his favorite present on Christmas. I can't help the laugh that escapes before I bend down and give him another kiss that leaves both of us once again breathless. When I let go of his lips he moves back down to my chest and starts by leaving soft kisses under the swell of each of my breasts before choosing a nipple and giving it a soft swirl around my aerola with his tongue. The smile he previously put on my lips quickly turns into a groan and I toss my head back thrusting my chest further into his mouth.

His tongue is pure magic as he licks and kisses my nipple but I'm equal parts turned on and frustrated that he doesn't do anything further than taste. His mouth feels so good and makes me want so much more but I don't have the capability to voice any words as the only sounds escaping my mouth are moans and whimpers. After an eternity of lips and tongue barely caressing and teasing he places his mouth completely over my nipple and sucks hard. I thought he would use his hand to occupy my other breast but he suddenly pinches my clit in conjuction with a well-timed suck and an electric current intensely courses throughout my entire body. I didn't think it was possible to come with such a short little amount of stimulation but I am proven very very wrong. As I continue to vibrate my knees start to wobble and I am positive I am going to collapse right there on the floor but Peeta's firm grip on my ass is so strong he somehow keeps me up.

His fingers don't stop their movements and continue to play and manipulate me while Peeta head starts to gravitate down my body giving me soft wet kisses along the way. Every kiss is slow and sensuous like each piece of my skin is precious. I have never felt so worshiped or loved by someone before. To be honest all my past experiences have always been either underwhelming, or so humiliating I started to dread intimacy. With Peeta I just want to explore more, feel more, have more until I'm completely exhausted.

When he reaches the juncture between my legs he gives me a kiss on my mons and the action cause me to snap my thighs shut and grab his hair, trying to pull him up. All my adventurousness is gone, replaced by a painful shyness.

"Umm, you don't have to do that Peeta, I'm not very, well, pretty you know down there. And I really don't like 'it' anyway. But I can do you? I mean, I’m not that very good, but I can try..."

“Katniss, stop stop stop. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love for you to..well...do that, but we can get to me later. I kinda wanted to first concentrate on you." Peeta pauses and starts to softly trace a figure eight on my stomach. His eyes are unfocused as he follows the path of his finger, and my skin is left tingling more and more along the path he traces.

He continues to speak without ever stopping the movement of his finger, "You really don't realize how beautiful you are, every part of you. Seeing you in that window was a wet dream come true, and I mean that literally. You don't know how often I've thought of you in that position, how I've wanted to taste you, make you scream my name knowing it was me that caused you pleasure. And if you'll allow it, I want to make you feel as good as I did in that moment I saw you in the window. Please Katniss."

When he looks up at me with his hopeful eyes pleading for a yes, I know I could never say no. I whisper, "I'll allow it," then bite my bottom lip and try to swallow my nervousness. His expression turns from angel to pure devil and without any hesitation he let's out his tongue and gives me a long slow lick and I can't help but let out a low groan as I toss back my head. He's at a slightly awkward angle so he lift my left leg over his shoulder and spreads me open wider. He gruffly says "Lean against the wall and hold on."

Peeta Mellark has a very and I mean very talented tongue. He explores every part of me and as the minutes tick by, I become more undone especially when he looks up at me while twirling his tongue between my slit, his face telling me there is no better pleasure in the world. His fingers join his mouth and his ability to multitask would be awe inspiring if I wasn't so caught up in the burning sensations he was creating. Soon he creates a rhythm of licking and sucking while two-fingers pump in and out of me possessively. I can't help the undulations of my hips while my thighs tighten and grip trying to hold him to me. I am shaking like a leaf and the fire builds inside of me so viciously I feel that I will be entirely consumed and then he turns his dexterous fingers inside of me, curving them and pressing a spot against my wall making me explode. I am weightless, I am floating, and there is no breath to take in because I have left my body behind.

I'm so lost in the exquisite sensations coursing through my body that I don't realize I'm on the floor until I somehow pry my eyes open. He must have let me slide down against the wall because I feel like a broken puppet all limbs and awkward angles. My right leg is stretched out to the side and my left is slightly propped up so I'm still left bare and open to him. I'm slowly able to focus on Peeta who is sitting back on his haunches with a cheshire grin lighting up his face.

"Oh don't look so smug," I manage to wheeze out when I manage to catch my breath."I think you broke me." We both give each other challenging stares for a moment before we both start laughing. He crawls over to me, pulls me onto his lap and gives me a tender eskimo kiss which makes me giggle. My heart thump painfully in my chest because of the utter sweetness of it and I try my best not to be overwhelmed.

"Thank you," he says after he kisses the underside of my left ear. He then starts to trail kisses along my cheek and neck while gently smoothing his hand along my leg.

"Shouldn't I be saying that?" I reply, leaving my own soft kiss on the corner of his mouth when I get the chance. "You did give me the best orgasm I've probably ever experienced."

"Well, I hope so, that was the whole point. God, you're absolutely delicious, I want so much more of you." One hand grips my waist and the other gravitates up to my breast and he starts to to knead it, completely hypnotized. I suddenly realize that I'm completely nude except for the robe still lying on my shoulders and he has every stitch of clothing on. I move to close my robe but he stops my hands.

"Don't you dare, I'm not done with you yet."

"Shouldn't we actually talk about, you know, us?" I ask, the reality of our situation settling in.

"Oh no, definitely not. I have needs woman, and I mean to ravage you, and you're going to like it," he says. I see his determination by his clenched jaw before I find myself being lifted in his arms and tossed on the couch. I bounce a couple of times before letting out an undignified squeek.

"Of course, only if you want me to ravage you," he continues sheepishly, red popping up on his cheeks. 

I can't help but laugh at how cute that was before saying, "Please proceed to ravage me Mr. Mellark..." He lets out a large whoop before I can say anything else while taking a flying leap towards me which makes me scream in surprise and flinch away. He somehow lands safely without either of us having bodily injury and he proceeds to suck, kiss, and tickle me in a doofy manner making me a complete giggling mess. Although I could do this with him forever, somehow I get control of my limbs and push him away from me.

"I have one condition Mr. Mellark," I say a little out of breath. His lips are still trying to reach mine desperately and oh how I want his mouth on mine but somehow my hands on his chest are able to keep him up. "I need you to listen so settle down young man." He stops wiggling but gives me such an adorable pout that soon I'm leaning up to suck that lucious lower lip between my own. I come to my senses and lower my head to the couch again but he continues to lean forward seeking more, so I press firmly on his chest before this quickly gets out of control.

"I said, I have one condition Peeta," I say seriously enough to make his smile take a downturn. If you can get completely naked in under 10 seconds, then, and only then can you ravage me all you want. Otherwise, I'm going to bed...alone... and we'll talk in the morning. Now.. Go!"

So, of course, that was a total fib, but I just really really wanted to finally see him completely naked for once. I've seen him run around the track, and play soccer, and basketball and football, and any number of other sports where he always seems to find himself shirtless. Each time I'm left hot with uncomfortably damp panties and frustrated that I would never be able to see what lay beneath his sports shorts. Now is my chance to see the whole package and damnit and I'm going to take advantage of it. 

Of course Peeta completely complies with my demand and is up before I'm even done saying go, throwing his clothes in every direction. I start counting down and I swear he is completely nude in less than 4 seconds. I didn't even think that was possible, but he made it happen. I would laugh at the absurdity of it all if I wasn't face to face with well, little Peeta, or rather, not so little Peeta. I'm not sure if he's just a shower or a very good grower, but either way he is much more impressive than Cato and I think I'm going to be left pretty happy. I feel like goldilocks right now, because he is just right.

I'm so distracted that I don't realize that once again he is taking another flying leap at me and once again I let out a squeal of fright. I find myself giggling again and I realize that I haven't had so much fun with a man like this in such a long time. I had no idea sex could be so joyful and tears prick my eyes at the thought. My giggles quickly turn to moans when his beautiful hands start working my body as deftly as he works the bread in his father's bakery. He leans down once again, and this time I don't stop him when latches his lips onto mine. His tongue soon traces my lips and our kiss becomes heated and frenzied. My hands travel to the back of his neck and I grip him tighter to me, never wanting to let him go. When we break away for air, his kisses travel to back to my neck and I'm sure I'll have marks in the morning.

"Peeta?"

"Mmm hmm," he hums into my neck.

"I have another request, can, we umm do it with me on top. I've never done it that way, and I want to try with you," I ask shyly. I really don't have that much experience with sex beyond what I did with Cato, and he was a strictly missionary man. On top of that, I never really enjoyed myself or was able to let go and as long as he got what he wanted he didn't care. When Cato wasn't satisfied, which was often, he would leave me alone and hurting that he would seek that type of companionship elsewhere. What I've experienced with Peeta right now, what he has given me, far out distances anything I did with my former boyfriend. I know I can trust him not to act like Cato and I'm grateful to share these new experiences with him.

He lifts his head up, his eyes softening in understanding and gives me a gentle kiss before saying, "Anything you want, my body is at your command. How about I let you ravage me?” Before I know it, he's switched our positions and he's lying on his back and I'm sprawled out on top of him. He slides his hands up and down my back under the robe before they travel down to my rear. He gives each cheek a firm squeeze while thrusting up and hitting me in exactly the right spot making me toss my head back and let out a soft groan.

"Yup," he says popping the P, "I'm really liking where this going."

I look down at him and try to school my expression into a frown, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that successful. "Hey there mister, I'm the one doing the ravaging now, so just hold still."

"Yes, Ma'am!" he answers with a cheeky grin.

I sit completely up on his stomach and his dick bobs up behind me. I also take his grabby hands and bring them up beside his head before contemplating what I want to do next. My hands are the ones that make the decision because without thought they start to slide softly up and down and around his body. As I enjoy exploring his body I marvel at his perfection. I'm sure some would find him too lean or perhaps too bulky but for me he is just right. I love the ripple of hard muscles underneath my palm as roll them across his abdomen making him shiver while I relish the softness of the skin that lays on top. I bring the back of my hands along to the soft sparse hair laying in the middle of his chest and then lean down to put a kiss down on the apple of his neck. My tongue peaks out and I draw it across his salty skin taking in the taste of him. I bring my eyes back up to his gaze and the heat in his eyes goes straight throughout my body and more wetness pools at my center. I know without a doubt that I will never stop wanting this man.

With every trace of my hand I leave a kiss in it's wake, trying to memorize every inch and every piece. Now it's his turn to throw his head back and groan in pleasure. I slowly bring my body down, rubbing against his hardness a moment before sitting down on his thighs. I undulate a moment, futilely trying to relieve some pressure. I stop to contemplate his weeping manhood and bring my hands and start lightly bringing my fingers up and down his shaft, never giving a heavy touch, just feeling and memorizing. 

"Katniss, you're going to kill me," he groans out, pressing his pelvis up.

"Sssh, it's my turn," I reply with a smirk of my own, not knowing where this new sense of power is coming from. It probably radiates from the man below me who gives it to me freely and without any reservation. I slide back slowly, letting his rigid cock rub against my opening before I let it bob in front of me. I bring an index finger back down to his shaft and take a bit of the liquid weeping out of the tip before bring it back to my mouth to taste it, closing my eyes as I contemplate the essence of Peeta. Apparently licking my finger with my tongue brings him to the breaking point because he pulls me roughly down to him and thrusts his tongue into my mouth. Our kiss quickly grows out of control and our hips move in rhythm towards each other.

I can't wait any longer to have him inside of me. I lift myself off of him and Peeta lets out a whimper of disappointment that turns into a deeper groan when I firmly grab him with my right hand while I lift my hips up and hover above him. I reach out to him with my left hand and he somehow knows what I want because he grabs it with his own and our fingers intertwine. I move the tip of his penis along my lips for a moment before I suddenly blurt out, "Condom!" I had completely forgotten for a moment and was quickly getting carried away. Apparently so was Peeta because his eyes widen and he let's out a, "Fuck!"

With a gentle shove he moves me off of him onto the couch and takes off running out of the living room towards the back bathroom. I do take a moment to enjoy the beautiful view of his firm ass as it runs around the corner, but that still doesn't stop the giggle that escapes. He's back in the room with a foil miraculously in hand and he quickly moves me up so he can get into his previous position on the couch. My giggle turns into full fledged laughter at his antics and he soon follows me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest and we let out the last of our giggles.

"Well that wasn't our sexiest moment was it," Peeta says, maneuvering below me again. My lip quirks as I shake my head before leaning my forehead against his. He brings our lips back together and he gives me the sweetest kiss I've ever known in my life. I sit back up again and I take the foil from his hand and carefully rip it open. Pinching the tip, I bring it to his hardness, roll it down smoothly and his head snaps back at the the sensation.

I give him one more kiss on his lips before I lift myself, bring us into alignment and slowly bring myself down. He's much thicker than I'm used to so I have to stop a few times and take some deep breaths before continuing. He takes my hand once again into his own, and brings my hand up to his lips, leaving a kiss that burns on my knuckles. Finally, his pelvis is flush with my center and the burn I feel is oh so good. We both moan in unison and I start moving, first up and down and then front to back. I experiment with the movement, trying to feel out what feels the best and Peeta lets me, patient and encouraging with my novice attempts. 

Soon I find a rhythm that makes my body sing and he starts thrusting up in time with me so my pelvis hits perfectly with his. Our eyes connect and he grabs my other hand into his own and now it feels like we're joined in every way. The air is filled with our sex as our movements and breaths quicken and I want to be in this moment forever. Soon it becomes to much and my body tightens with anticipation. Suddenly he sits up completely and brings my legs around his torso and leans back on his hands, pressing his palms into the couch, to put more leverage into his thrusts. My hands fall behind me, mirroring his position to bring power behind my own thrusts and as we collide almost in a frenzy I know we both won't last much longer. The entire time our gazes are locked and frozen displaying every emotion we are both are feeling. I know a moment before he says it that he is going come, and when he moans, "Katniss," his movements lose their rhythm and become erratic before he releases into me. This is enough to push me to the other side causing me to pulse and shake as the orgasam rips through me, me more blistering than anything I have ever felt before. 

I am irreparably broken, I'm convinced of it because my limbs are completely useless. I slump back on the couch but he pulls me up to his chest holding me tight, rubbing his hands along my spine and down into my crack. He hums into the skins of my neck, licking the salty sweat and I give a kiss on his shoulder. Somehow I'm able to get movement back into my arms and I bring my hands up to his neck and pull him just as tight against me. We are still joined and I want to just relish this moment as long as I can. In unison, we bring our mouths back to each other and give each other gentle kisses, and I relish the touch of his lips on my own.

After a few moments, he brings his mouth to my ear and whispers, "Katniss, I'm so in love with you. Every part of me is yours."

I feel a smile stretch my mouth to the brink and I bring my hands up to his face, holding him to me and I take a deep breath before I reply, "That's a good thing, because I love you to."

He answers back with a blinding smile reflecting my own as we both take in this miracle. Just as he's about to put another kiss on my lips, I hear, "What the fuck is this!" I look up startled to find my fuming ex-boyfriend in the doorway. Cato always did have the best timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to PeetasAndHerdondales, MrsMoony86, lostonthetardis, polarpi, famousfremus, withheartfulloflove BlueMellark52 for leaving comments and everyone who left kudos, I really apprecicate. Also props to my beta DianaFlynn for keeping me on track.


	7. Kinda sorta Greco Roman Wrestling (Peeta's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost to the end of this story, I can't believe it! I've had so much fun writing it. Probably one more chapter than an epilogue. Hope you enjoy the action (and the wee bit of angst). Comments are always appreciated. :-)

Chapter 7 - Kinda sorta Greco Roman Wrestling (Peeta's POV)

She said "I love you " and time stops.

There have been moments where time has stopped for me before. For instance, there was the time that I knocked over the vase that my mom bought from QVC. It felt like that damn thing was spinning in the air forever. My life literally flashed before my eyes before it smashed into pieces on my mother's living room floor. I knew my mom would not let me take in another breath when she found out it was obliterated because she loved that damn tacky thing so much. 

Then there was also the time Katniss was too busy texting on her phone to notice the car speeding towards her as she ambled across the crosswalk. In that long moment it took me to reach and pull her back to safety I saw her life flash before my eyes, at least the times I had spent with her - from the shy girl standing behind her parents with a plate a cookies up to her grabbing my ice cream cone at Sae's diner. 

I've had many moments where time has stopped, but those were usually awkward, painful or just plain embarrassing; but not this time. This moment is beautiful, wonderful, glorious, and other amazing descriptors. I find myself wanting to be a poet so I can create long sonnets detailing the beauty that is Katniss. The sun is just at the point where it has left for the day leaving a warm fading light that glistens off the sweat covering her skin. Her body is covered in a pretty blush all the way down to her nipples which makes me want to bend down to suck one in my mouth again. And would I ever if I wasn't frozen in this moment. 

And did I mention her eyes? They shine a mercurial silver, and I know when I look into their depths that she means those words, that she actually loves me, and my heart beats so hard I know it's going to fly away. I see our future laid out before us - hiking through the hills, barbecuing in the backyard with friends, kids running around creating havoc, and making love to her as often as I can. I’m absolutely positive Katniss would laugh and make fun of my romantic thoughts, but right now I’m completely beyond caring, because she loves me!

So yes, I could have happily lived in this moment forever, and maybe I would have too, if that fucking idiot Cato hadn't shattered it like a glass figurine thrown against a wall. Before I can get my head wrapped around the fact that he's in the room while I'm stark naked and literally still "inside" Kat, the hot-headed bastard is charging right at us. No fucking way is he breaking into the best moment of my life. So maybe my friends are right and I do watch too many cheesy movies, because the first thing that pops into my mind is, 'Bring it on!'. 

I still don't have enough time to physically react so the next thing I know the force of Cato's impact causes Katniss and I to fly in opposite directions. I see her head smack painfully against the corner table, while I crash over the coffee table and skid slightly across the floor; the rug pulling across my skin. I try to move back to Katniss to see if she's okay, but as soon as Cato is on top of me, I've lost sight of anything else. As he pins me to the ground he has the strength of raging gorilla and I know he is itching to beat me into a pulp. There is definitely no point in trying to talk sense into him so my only option is to somehow overpower him.

Although his aggressive anger gives him an almost overwhelming strength, I have two things that are at least in my corner - the first being that I was a star member of my high school and college wrestling teams giving me technique, agility, and experience. But that experience doesn't nearly compare to having two burly older brothers who were always willing to pound me into submission just for existing. So basically this isn't the first time I've found myself in this sort of situation, well except for maybe that whole I'm totally naked part, that's new.

His fist strikes me hard across the cheek bone and as he pulls back for another go, I roll out from under him, which isn't hard considering he can't get a firm grip on my still sweaty skin, but he is still able to push me down and sucker punch me hard in the kidneys. The sharp pain radiates through my back and takes my breath away but I know if I don't move quickly, he'll take advantage and do much worse. I surge up in an attempt to throw him off then, smashing his nose with the back of my head and I hear a satisfying crunch. It wasn't what I was going for, but I'll take it. Cato is stunned just enough that it allows me to quickly turn around and shove him down. I turn him on his stomach and twist his left arm painfully behind him and grip him around the throat with my right arm cutting off his windpipe. With his free hand he tries to claw at my arm around his throat but I'm not even close to letting go.

I'm filled with relief as he starts to sag in my arms, hoping that he's close to unconsciousness so I loosen my grip on his neck a fraction. Boy have I dreamt of many painful ways of getting rid of him for what he did to Katniss but I finally got her back so I really don't want to go to jail yet. He takes a gasp of air and he manages to pull my arm away far enough to breathe out a few incomprehensible words that I can't understand. I'm sure that whatever he is trying to say must be vile and not anything that should ever be spoken aloud so I try not to pay attention. My grip tightens further, trying to cut him and anything else he has to say off but he pulls my arm away again and repeats whatever he said before, and this time I do catch a few words and god how I wish I hadn't. 

"She's a cu.." He starts to say before my grip tightens.

"Shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear anything you have to say," I growl out my words. I try to restrain myself from completely losing my temper and keep a clear head, but I'm fighting a losing battle with myself.

He claws at my arm and is able to to pull my arm away enough to say, "You know I'm right, she is a fucking cunt. I had her first and I tore into her so hard, she'll never be the same again. And she loved it, you should have heard her moan. She's used goods Mellark. And you're nothing but a little shit, she’s just using you to get back at me. She’ll never really want you."

With those words, I lose all sense of reason and I roar out in anger. A red haze covers my eyes, and the only thing I can think of is giving him pain; but losing control is my downfall. I lift up to pound him into the ground, but my grip is sloppy and it’s just the opening he needs to throw me off. I skid across the floor, and hit my shoulder hard against the coffee table. He’s quickly on top of me again and this time his hands go straight for my throat. His grip is unyielding and spots are starting to form in front of my eyes. Cato’s bloated red face is all I can see, and there is one vein throbbing on his temple. Damn, I really don’t want to pass out with Cato being the last thing I see. 

“Cato, get off of him now, or I will shoot.” I awkwardly crane my neck upside down and find my savior in the form of an amazon goddess standing before us glorious and strong. There stands Katniss still nude except for her robe which she has sloppily tied. Apparently she was in too much of a rush to get properly dressed. Her skin still glistens with sweat from our earlier activities, and her braid is a complete mess with hair standing every which way. In her hands she holds her bow - it is drawn, the string held tight against her face, and a vicious hunting arrow loaded. She looks glorious and I have to fight hard to swallow down my desire for her; considering Cato is still on top of me, it might get a tad bit awkward. 

If it wasn't for our awkward position I would laugh at Cato's expression. Cato is as stunned and frozen in place with his mouth hanging open. For a moment I think he's actually going to listen to her but of course he is too stupid and stubborn to give up. He shakes his head like he's getting rid of a spell then tightens his hands around my throat snarling out, "You wouldn't dare bitch."

Well, apparently Katniss has got some of her fire back and her natural stubbornness, because she smoothly let's go of the string without a bit of hesitation and before Cato can react, the arrow slices past his face cutting part of his ear. Cato automatically lets go of me to grab his ear so I use the opportunity to kick him off me. He is thrown against the fireplace hard, knocking the wind out of him. Blood pours from the wound, and he let's out a string of profanities that would cause a sailor to blush. 

Katniss takes no chances and quickly bends down to grab an arrow from the quiver lying at her feet and nocks it to the string, pointing the bow down, but still held at the ready with her right hand slightly pulling the string taut.

"Damnit, I missed. I was hoping I was hoping to cut your 'pretty' face but I was just barely an inch shy. It's been a few months, so I'm a little bit rusty, but believe me, I won't miss next time. Now you're going to pay careful attention and do exactly what I say. Get up and go to my bedroom and sit down in the chair by the window and don't you dare move. Come on, get up." Katniss says with a steady voice I haven't heard from her in years. 

"You bitch, I'm going to kill you for this," Cato growls out, fury emanating from every pore.

"Give me a break, Cato. I don't give a shit what you think you're actually going to do. Get up now, and get the fuck into that chair." Katniss doesn't yell, she barely raises her voice, but the steel in her tone brokers no argument. It doesn't hurt that she raises her bow up again and prepares to shoot. 

Cato slowly get up and edges around her to the hallway and makes his way to her room, looking back every second while Katniss follows behind. Just as she reaches the hallway she turns her head around and gives me a smirk, "Ummm, can you maybe put some shorts on then go to the kitchen and get the twine in the utility drawer. And don't take your time about it. and follow quickly?" she says giving a soft laugh before turning back and following Cato, all business again.

I look down and let out a chuckle, I didn't even get the chance to take my condom off and it's created kind of a squishy mess. I don't want to leave Kat alone too long in the room with Cato so quickly as I can, I whip off the condom and toss on my boxers before running to the kitchen and grabbing the twine like Katniss requested. I jog back to the room and the two of them are in a silent standoff. He's seething in the chair, and she's just watching him silently, an ice queen, a warrior ready to strike. She's never looked so strong and she's never looked so beautiful. 

"Peeta, tie him up tight, I know you learned some good roping tricks during camp at that ranch, so don't hold back," she orders me. I can't help but grin and relish the happiness that rises inside me witnessing Katniss taking on such a roll of authority and power, it's just so good to see the old Kat coming back again. As I approach Cato he growls at me like a feral dog and lunges forward, but Kat's fingers are quick and she let's another arrow fly. This one lodges in the fabric of the chair right between his legs. When I look over at her, she is already nocking another arrow, and I echo Cato's large gulp. This time, when I move to tie Cato to the chair he makes not a move or sound and just glares silently. I make sure that every knot is nice and tight, and if he loses circulation in his hands, I won't be crying for him. With one last tug of the twine, I walk over to Katniss who has dropped her bow on the bed and slumps down onto the bed in apparent relief.

"Now what?" My question to Katniss breaks the tense silence and seems to echo through the room. "Maybe I should probably call the police. He could use a night in jail to cool off."

"Nope, I can’t do that right now. Peeta I need you to leave the room,” she says in a soft but firm voice.

“What? I can’t leave you in here alone with him! Even if he is tied up, who knows what the hell he can do,” I sputter in protest.

She looks up at me with large pleading eyes and grabs my hand, squeezing it tight, "Please Peeta, I need to speak to Cato alone."

"No Katniss!" I object loudly, yanking my hand away. Panic floods my body at the thought of leaving her alone with him. "I'm staying right here, whatever you're going to do or say, I need to be here with you." 

Katniss closes the space between us and pulls me to her. She rests her right hand on my faces, smoothing it over my skin softly. 

"Peeta, I need you to trust me, I need to talk to him alone. And I will be okay. You have him tied up tighter than a calf at a rodeo; he's not going anywhere. Please." We're at a standoff and a silent battle of wills plays out between us as she stares into my eyes. But, it's that last "please" that gets to me, and I know that I won't be able to say no to her even though every single cell in me is objecting. 

"Just be careful. I'll be right in the living room if you need me. And I'll be checking up on you if you take too long," I finally reply after a long pause. I know I won't do myself any favors by fighting her on this. I turn around to leave but at the last minute I turn back, my right hand grabbing her by the waist and my left hand at her cheek. I pull her to me and give her a long kiss, trying to pour out everything I feel for her. I know that if I don't stop I'll just drag her back outside with me, so I abruptly pull away and slam the door behind me. 

I'm such an idiot. I know I should trust her, I want to trust her, I just don't trust him. I should have told her not to listen to whatever vile words spew out of his mouth. I know Cato, and he may be a brute but he is skilled at slicing with his words, he knows what to say that will hurt the most. I have experienced this too many times to count, he is my cousin after all, on my mother's side of course. I've had to put up with him for way too many years. I just know my mom had something to do with Cato entering Katniss's life. I have a feeling she was the puppet master for a lot of things. And I was too weak willed to do anything but follow her lead and do whatever she told me to do. Sometimes I really hate myself.

I try to listen at the door, but it's too thick to hear anything but muffled voices. Damn the the Everdeen high standard of construction. I linger awkwardly by the door a short while before I realize I'm still in nothing but my drawers so I go back and pull my jeans back on. They feel rough and scratchy against my skin, but I need the extra layer of protection right now, especially considering I have no idea what can happen next. Eventually I end up going back to the bedroom and sitting next to the wall. It never hurts to be prepared. I'm itching to turn that door knob, but she told me to wait for her, so I will, even though I really don't like it.

While I sit here all I can do is wait so my wanders every which way. It finally lands on memories of Katniss and I as kids and when I first fell in love with her at the ripe old age of 6. We had always been best friends, always comfortable around each other, miniature versions of our fathers who were old buddies. But I never really thought of her of anything else except as Kat until that fateful day. 

I just got my new bike and I loved tearing up and down the street, pushing my limits and showing off. Unfortunately, my snot-nosed sniveling neighbor Marvel decided it would be fun to throw a stick into my front wheel. My bike stopped but I didn't. There I lay smashed on the pavement, crying, bloody, and in pain. But then came my savior, my beautiful valkyrie to my rescue. She charged at Marvel so fast, he didn't have a chance to react and soon her fist was smashing in his nose and he was squirting blood everywhere. Without a thought she turned around, came back to my side, wiped my tears and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so stunned my tears dried up in an instant. I never even thought a female that wasn't my grandmother would even think of kissing me. It was strange and I was seriously confused. Later that day, I limped over to her house and gave her some dandelions I had picked from the back yard as a thank you. She gave me a shy smile, before giving me one more soft kiss and then ran back in her house. Right then and there I knew I definitely liked her lips on mine and I was a goner.

When I was younger and my love was innocent I thought, this is it for me; there is no other girl in the world. And for awhile I hoped maybe she could feel the same but then we reached our teenage years and she withdrew farther and farther away from me. I don't know how it happened but I had no idea how to connect with her anymore. We were still best friends, we still liked hanging around each other, but there was always this little bit of distance between us I could never bridge. Then we went to college and I was just another friend for her, no more special than the rest, so I finally gave up. Well not really, I never really gave up hope, but I decided to leave my childish dreams behind; it was time to be in reality. My mom had badgered me enough times about being a man and I knew she was right. I needed to grow up and be with somebody who was “right” for me. Did I rebel from what she wanted? Fuck yeah! But if my mom is one thing, she is stubbornly determined to make you do things her way, and she’ll do whatever she can to make it happen. Hell, that's probably how she got my dad to marry her in the first place. 

Delly came along exactly the time I gave up on Katniss, and she was sweet and beautiful, and everything my mom wanted for me. Katniss didn’t want me, so why not give it a try. Delly did want me and it felt so good to finally be wanted. I tried so hard to get lost in her and at one point I fooled myself into believing that I could fall in love with her, but in the end I just couldn't let Katniss go. I wanted to be with Kat even though she was with somebody else and I was going to figure out something, anything to be with her. So yeah, my mom wasn't too happy with me when I broke up with Delly. She refused to speak to me, actually she still hasn't spoken to me yet. That's kind of an unexpected bonus. 

It could be five minutes, it could be an hour, but it feels like an eternity of waiting before the door springs suddenly open, hitting the wall with a bang. Cato storms out, not even sparing a second glance at me and I spring after him, but he's out the door and in the car before I can catch up. With the squeal of tire wheels on the gravel road, he leaves a cloud of dust in his wake as he tears down the road and out of sight. 

I wander back into the living room in a confused state at what just happened and I find Katniss curled up on the couch in a similar daze. Her fingers are playing with an object that I can't quite figure out. She doesn't look up at me when I come in and I can't help but notice the dejection is lining her face. I approach her slowly like I would a frightened animal and squat in front of her then gently put my hand on her knee. She startles at my action before she puts her hand over her chest in relief, and takes in a deep cleansing breath.

"Sorry, you scared me, I didn't notice you there. So much for my hunter's instincts." She grabs my hand on her knee and gives it a soft squeeze before she leans back on the couch and let’s her head fall onto the couch armrest, staring up at nothing. I twine my fingers with hers and give her a hand a gentle kiss.

“What happened? Why did you let him go? Why didn’t we call the police?” My questions rush out, and although I try to be calm, I can’t help the rising frustration with this situation. After everything that has prick has done, he gets to walk, like nothing happened? Even though she still grips my hand she turns her head away from me, and I never felt further away from her. 

“Katniss?” I ask again.

“Are you still with Delly?" she asks softly, finally turning to face me. I see her eyes are watery and round, but not one tear drops.

"No! Well, not really? I mean I broke up with her awhile back, and she wants to get back together so we went on one date to talk things over but that was it. But we're really not together together anymore. Sorry, I'm being confusing." I stumble over my words, and they flow out in a jumbled mess. I could kick myself for being so unclear. My usual gift for words has once again completely abandoned me. I really didn't mean to make it sound like I was cheating.

"That came out all wrong. Let me start over. I'm not with Delly. I want to be with you. I've always wanted to be with you." I say slowly hoping she sees how sincere I am.

"Stop Peeta, it really doesn't matter if you were with her. I thought that you were with Delly," she says, emphasizing the 'I'. "For all I knew you were with her. I didn't ask you before I jumped you, and I definitely didn't take her feelings into account...at all. What type of person does that? I'm not better than some opportunistic slut."

"Katniss, you did nothing wrong." I answer, confused at how she could think about herself in that way.

"But I did! Don't you see! I barely broke up with Cato a few weeks ago and I'm already fucking you. What kind of person does that make me? I didn't even care that you were in a relationship."

"Damn it Katniss, I'm not in a relationship with Delly! And I wasn't just fucking you!" I'm so upset I don't even realize that I'm up off the floor and I've crossed to the other side of the room near the window. I pull my hand through my hair in frustration and my curls become even more wild than they were before. I'm sure I look completely crazy, but she's driving me around the bend.

"God damn Cato! I knew I shouldn't have left you alone in there with him. This is his fault, you actually listened to whatever filth he had to say didn't you?"

"You don't understand, I'm not good for you Peeta, I was never any good for you. He just reminded me there are other reason why we were never together before. It was just so easy to forget." She curls in a ball, and I can feel her shrinking even further away from me.

I return back to my original spot in front of the couch and she unfolds enough so that I can lay my head against her stomach and she curls around me and lays her head on top of mine.

"I just don't want to let you go." I can hear the tears in her voice, and it feels like a dream that we were so happy and close just a short while ago.

"Don't let me go. Just talk to me." I look up and we both lean into each other for a kiss that is wet from her tears. She leans back but keeps both hands on my face, caressing me softly like she's afraid I'll disappear at any moment.

"Peeta...I think we need to talk about...about our past," she stutters out. "It's just...god, this is so hard."

"I'm here, I'm listening, Kat. Just tell me, we'll get through whatever it is." I grip her hand tightly in mine and I'm sure I'm cutting off her circulation, but I'm desperate for her to verbalize whatever it is that is eating at her up inside."

She takes a big gulp of air and opens her mouth to speak before closing it again and I motion for her to continue. 

"You mother is a bitch," she suddenly bursts out startling herself. She covers her mouth with both hands and her eyes are wide, clearly surprised at what she spit out. Now it my turn to act like a fish. I had no idea that is what she was going to say and apparently she didn't either. 

Before either of us can say another word, the door opens up again and in bursts Finnick, Annie, Gale, and Joanna.

"Surprise! We heard Katniss was up here early so we figured we'd get the party started early!" exclaims Finnick holding up two packs of beers. And that is enough to get Katniss moving and quick as lightning she is running out the patio door.

"Ummm, did we interrupt something?" asks a confused Gale.

"No shit Sherlock! I told you we should wait until tomorrow morning, but nooo, you had to be stubborn." Joanna answers smacking him hard across the chest. The answer I give is a groan as I slump forward and hit my head against the cushions of the couch. 

"Dumb fucking luck" I mumble to myself, too mentally exhausted to run after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to my wonderful and patient beta Diana Flynn as well as to PeetasAndHerondales, famousfremus, honeylime, MrsMoony86, mrssherrange, BlueMellark52, lulubee123 , withheartfulloflove, TxDorA, Mercenary63, and polarpi for leaving comments.


	8. Getting Rid of Trash (Katniss's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe it's been soooo long since I updated this story. Life kind of got away from me. Thanks to everyone who stuck with this story, and I hope you like this next chapter. There's only an epilogue left after that.

Chapter 8 - Getting Rid of Trash (Katniss's POV)

I unintentially slam the door behind me as I run out of the house but I don't care because all I can think of is getting as far away from everyone as possible. It's hard enough facing Peeta after Cato, but now all my friends are here to see the spectacle. My feet can't take me far enough. I also can't believe I just told Peeta that his mom was a bitch. I mean, it's true, but damn, she's his mother, there are lines you just don't cross. He must seriously hate me now. I mean, how could he not? 

It's only until I reach the edge of the lake before I finally stop. My lungs feel like they are burning from lack of air, and not from my exertion, but from the rising panic that takes my breath away. I try to take some long cleansing breaths to clear my head and calm my heart but that doesn't help me because as the panic lowers, the humiliation rises. So maybe I overreacted just a little. Okay, a lot. Fuck. Suddenly I come to the realization that I ran out of there like a 12 year old kid who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I plop down on the ground and put my face in my hands. I am as far from being a mature adult as you could possibly get. Dealing with my emotions has never been my strong suit, and clearly this is very evident in how I acted in this situation. 

With new resolve to not be an immature child I turn around to head back to the house, but I only take a few steps before I deflate again. I can feel the heat of embarrassment blossom on my cheeks, and stepping closer to the house seems an impossible feat. I turn back to my beautiful calm lake and take in the expanse of the water stretch out in front of me. The gently lapping waves call out to me and I have the sudden urge to go in. I just want to be able to breath again, and for some reason swimming has always made me feel completely free and I know that's just the thing I need at the moment. 

I strip off my robe, close my eyes and step forward, feeling the cool water rise around my legs as step-by-step I go further in. Soon I am able to submerge myself completely and I feel my hair lift up around me. I break through the surface and just float on my back, moving my arms slowly to keep myself up. The sun has long sunk behind the hills and the sky has turned a beautiful dark cobalt blue that reflects off the surface around me. There is nothing like drifting, feeling weightless, and everything starts to melt away. I can feel all the stress and angst and worry leak out my bones. He's gone. I finally have clarity without those doubts pulling me down and I realize that he's actually gone. I did it. I shouldn't be moping but I should be celebrating because I got rid of that festering wound known as Cato Kaplan. Despite this new clarity that frees me I still can't help that my heart feels an opposite force still weighing me down. 

_Earlier_

The door made a soft click as it shut behind Peeta and I can't help but admire him for not slamming it behind him. I know he's not happy, and I wouldn't blame him for being furious with me for essentially kicking him out but he showed restraint Cato would never be capable of. Some people may think I'm foolish for being alone with him, but I need to do this on my own. I brought Cato into our lives and I want to be the one who gets rid of him. God, I just hope this works.

"You guys are a fucking joke. It makes me sick even looking at you, you're such a whore." Cato's cruel words snap me from staring at the door and turn to him. I look over and see a sneer playing on his face. I try to close myself off from letting his taunts penerate, but it's so hard, it's always so hard. For years the bricks of confidence holding me up have been chipped away one by one, first by Mrs. Mellark and then by Cato. I ask myself every day why the hell I let him in, and wish to God I hadn't. I turn my back to him and grip the bureau in front of me and I find my limbs shaking ever so slightly. I close my eyes and try to gather strength and when I open them, there lying harmlessly is a white pearl held by a gold chain. The same pearl that Peeta gave me so many years ago. The fingers of my left hand automatically reach out and grip it tightly and I can feel myself having the courage to face him. 

"God, you're so stupid. I'm surprised you can make it day to day considering what a retard you are. You know he doesn't want you, he doesn't want the real you. He only wants what your pussy can provide, and I'm sure he's tired of that already."

I knew this was coming, it always comes. With every time he is sweet he is equally heartless. This time I try to let the words fuel me instead of taking me down and I grip the bureau even tighter willing the shaking to stop. Without him noticing I take my phone and start an audio recording, praying silently that this works.

I start with the question that's been plaguing me since he first started the verbal abuse, "Why me? If I'm so detestable, why be with me? Clearly I disgust you." I turn around and walk in front of him, firm and resolute I stare him down and all I can see in his ice blue eyes is furious raging anger. I also have to ask myself, why did I stay with him so long?

"Don't be stupid Katniss, your mine, I own you. You may be a complete fuckup, but you're one fine little cunt and a I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon. Now fucking untie me and I'm finally taking you home, this has gone on long enough."

With his words, I feel ice pour through my veins. I wasn't in any doubt about leaving this part of my life behind, but with his crude words, my resolve becomes like steel. After too many days, weeks, months with him, I feel like I'm finally seeing the real face of the monster inside of him. He didn't start off like this, any girl would be crazy to start something with somebody so openly cruel. When I met Cato he was sweet, and charming with a compliment always playing on his lips. I was heartbroken and he was there, a charming snake ready to strike. As time went on, he couldn't keep his dark hidden, and it leaked out, at first in brief moments and then at an ever increasing rate. But, he had so many pretty excuses and explanations, and I tried best to convince myself it would always be the last time, but I was wrong. I'm pretty certain that I wasn't the first woman he'd manipulated and abused and I can only pray that I would be the last.

I cross my arms in front of me and raise one eyebrow, "And why the hell should I do that? It's not like you've been exactly convincing. What do you have to offer me, more bruises, more verbal abuse, or maybe just more humiliation?" 

Cato bulges against his restraints but whatever Peeta did to tie him up is more than good enough to keep him in the chair. His wrists look like they're loosing a little bit of circulation, and I can't say I'm anywhere near sorry. 

"Fuck you Katniss," he spits back, "You know you deserved everything I gave you. Now I wish I had done more. Clearly you don't know your damn place." He tries one more time to break out of his bonds, but all he succeeds in doing is tipping over the chair to the side. Cato let's out a a grunt of pain as he lands, and I can't help the chuckle that escapes my lips. It gets even harder to contain my laughter as he writhes against the floor and let's out a yell of frustration.

"God damn it Katniss! I will kill you! You can't leave me tied up forever. And when you let me go, I'll be sure to make you feel so much pain."

My laughter dies on the edge of my lips. I can't help the shiver that runs down my spine, because I know he means every single word. As I look in the fire burning in his eyes, I can't help but believe that demons might actually exist. 

"So when I ended up in the hospital with bruised ribs, that wasn't just an 'accident' like you said," I say stating it as fact and not really asking a question. 

"What do you think?! You needed to learn a lesson. I'm was tired of you being so fucking independent and defying me at every turn, you just make me so angry!"

"I think you already said that, but thank you for enlightening me again," I say as calmy as my fiercely beating heart allows. I walk again behind him and shut off the recording. My hands still shake a little but now, it's more from excitement of what's to come than from fear. As quickly as possible I send the saved recording to the people I want to and then I take a moment to close my eyes and enjoy a moment of relief. At least now people besides me truely will know what's really inside of him. With the phone clutched tightly to my chest, I walk in front of him again and look him dead in the eye.

"Cato, you will leave here and never look back. You will leave me alone and forget I ever existed and know that I will do the same." I pause a brief moment before shaking my head. "Actually, I take that back. I won't erase your existance from my memory because I want to remember what you did and know that I deserve more so that I never make the same mistake ever again."

His expression goes between anger and confusion before his gaze locks on the phone in my hand and understanding dawns on his face. He finally asks, "What the hell did you do?" 

"I did what was needed to make sure that you went away. I just sent a recording of what you said to Gale, you know, my loser friend and Deputy Sheriff. Just in case I also sent it to Prim. Oh, and did I mention your father? He has a copy too." At first Cato looks stunned, his mouth hanging open wide, unable to react to my statement but then it slowly penetrates his thick skull and I can see the the fury reignite in his eyes.

"You fucking bitch! I can't believe you sent it to my dad. Why the fuck would you do that Katniss?" Cato is spitting out his words and he is now straining against the bounds so hard, I can see the cords press painfully into his flesh. I automatically take two steps back even though I was already almost against the dresser.

"Why the fuck would I do that?! Oh maybe because I want you to get the hell out of my life. Your dad will make sure that happens. Daddy has a political career to protect, he's going to make sure you're not a liability so he's going to make sure you stay far far away from me. And because I sent it to Gale, I'm guaranteed that if anything happened to me, you'd be the first one they point the finger to. I will be more than happy to have you be a distant terrible memory."

"Oh, so you can move on with that wimp Mellark, huh?" Cato spits out. "You're delusional Katniss. The only thing worthwhile about you is the hole between your legs. I'm the only one who would give a shit about you. He never wanted you. Did you even ask him if he's still with Delly? His actual girlfriend. He's just fufilling a fantasy and once he's fucked you, he'll move on and get married to the woman he's actually in love with," Cato says this with so much malice I can feel my courage shrinking with every word.

"Cato, that's enough! You no longer have any power over me," I bite out as my hands grip so tight, I can feel my finger nails dig into my palms.

"You know what, I'll give you what you want Katniss, I'll leave you the fuck alone, I got all I wanted out of you anyway. Hell, I didn't even want you in the first place. My aunt, Peeta's own lovely mother paid me to be with you. Nobody wants you Katniss, nobody ever will." When he finishes, he sits back in the chair with a smirk playing on his lips, knowing that his words have cut deep and the damage has been done.

I turn around and attempt to blink away my tears determined to at least not give any more of myself than I've already given. A couple of tears escape and roll down my cheek and I quickly wipe them away before grabbing the hunting knife I keep in my top drawer. When I turn around, I silently and swiftly cut the ties that bind Cato. Once free, he's out of the chair so fast, I have to jump back so I'm not knocked over. He just silently stands over me, glaring down, invading my space, invading my senses. The hatred I see burning from his eyes is all I need to know from him, and know deep inside that it's really all over with him. Just as quickly as he gets up he's storming out the door and I collapse on the floor in relief and try to regain my bearings. 

_Back at the Lake_

The price of freedom can sometimes be a great one. I tried not to let the words that Cato spoke in that room affect me but there had been too much time, too much hurt, and too many walls torn down around my heart for that to happen. He brought all my doubts to the surface, and I couldn't make them stop from coming faster, harder to the point of nausea and panic. I just don't know if I can ever be be a whole person again, somebody worthy of being with somebody as sweet and perfect as Peeta. 

I turn over in the water and float on my stomach, delaying coming up for air as longas as possible. Ironically enough even though my lungs start to burn from lack of oxygen I finally feel like I can breathe again. When I can't stay under any longer I surface and take a large gulp of air, letting the cool night air fill my longues. My heart is beating hard in my chest, but it makes me feel alive again, like I've woken up from a long nightmare. Cato's words are slowly losing their grip on me even if the scars will always be there. 

I spot the wooden platform in the lake so I swim over to it, my firm powerful strokes quickly taking me the 50 yards to the ladder dangling in the water. As I pull myself up on the solid wood a breeze gently blows past causing me to shiver and I realize that I'm still in my thin robe and now it's soaking wet and clinging heavily to my skin. I can't help the chuckle that escapes me at my complete ridiculousness at my swimming attire. 

One by one the stars start to peep out in the darkening sky so I start to count them just like when Peeta and I used to when we were little. I wish it wasn't my natural reaction to run away, I need to talk to him. I'm about to dive back in the water and head back when I see the back door open in the distance. The solid figure of Peeta is silhouetted against the light shining from inside the cabin for a moment, before moving towards me. I settle back down, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them, waiting for him to make his way over. Peeta and I often escaped to this small pier when we were children so I know that this will be the perfect place to talk. It takes him a moment to spot me in the darkness, but when he does, he doesn't hesitate to dive into the water and swim swiftly over to the pier with sure strokes. All too quickly he is dragging himself up next to me, every muscle taut as he pulls himself up and my heart seems to skip a beat as I see the water making paths down the hard lines of his beautiful body.

Peeta sits next to me, close but not enough that we are touching and mimics my own body position. The silence stretches between us almost awkwardly as we wait for the other one to speak first. I fiddle with the frayed edge of my robe while I try to find the right words to say but I come up completely blank. Eventually Peeta is the one to speak up first.

"Do you remember that summer your dad taught me to swim? We were both so little, only around five at the time. I came to your house crying because my brothers wouldn't take me to he community pool with them because they said I was too little and I would probably just sink like a rock. Of course I ignored them and I proved them right and had to be snatched out of the pool by the lifeguard. Instead of making fun of me, you grabbed my hand and dragged me right over to your dad and demanded him to help me. You said you'd even pay him back your 50 cents a week allowance. There was no way he could say no to you. After my first failure I was too scared to get in, but once again you just held my hand and stayed with me the entire time. Of course you also showed off like a little mermaid and made fun of me for crying, but I let that go."

"Well you were whining like a little baby so I had to do something..." I say as a tiny grin plays at the corner of my mouth at the early memory. It's amazing that almost everything to do with Peeta I remember so well.

He pushes me hard enough on the shoulder with his own that I have to put my hand down to catch myself, and when I look at him with a scowl on my face, laughter just twinkles in his eyes.

"Anyways, I wanted to pay you back but of course I had only pennies to my name. So what does a little kid with no money do? Search around the house. And up in the attic in an old shoe box with knick nacks was one lone pearl on a chain and I thought it was perfect." Peeta opens his hand and there lays my pearl gleaming in the moonlight. I didn't even realize that I dropped the necklace; I must have done it when I ran out of the house.

"Katniss, I can't believe you kept it all these years. It was just a silly gift from a stupid kid," he says while he rolls the pearl between his fingers.

"Of course I would keep it!" I exclaim a little too loudly before continuing. "I mean, you gave it to me, and you were my favorite person. It means more to me then any diamond could. It's my lucky charm." My last words are said softly, I don't know why I feel embarrassed but I do. I'm not used to putting my feelings on display, and I've done it more times than I can count in the last few days.

"Here, turn around," he says gesturing me to spin my back towards him. He brings the necklace over my head and with deft fingers, he fixes the clasp. His fingers are still warm despite the cool air and they linger at my neck making the skin there tingle. He then drags them down my spine leaving a burning path in their wake. When they reach my waist I hate how far apart he feels from me so I reach behind me and grab his hands in mine then bring his arms around me, holding them tightly around me. Soon I'm settled into his chest and he nuzzles the side of my neck, breathing me in and lays a kiss behind my ear.

"Do you want to tell me what happened in there?" he whispers into my ear. My fingers play lightly on the skin and hair of his arms as I think about where I should start first. I can feel goosebumps raise under my fingers and I'm not sure if it's me or the cool breeze that's causing it.

"Someday but not now. Cato's gone, at least I hope, so I don't want you to worry about that," I say.

"But how can you be sure? I can't see him letting you go that easily," he asks before I have a chance to continue.

"Because his ambitions are far more important than little ol' me Peeta. It's always has been that way. I was just an object he possessed, something he didn't want to let go. I just needed to give him incentive to let me go, so I did. I recorded our conversation in there, and he loves to hear himself talk so of course he implicated himself. I sent the recording to Gale and his dad. His dad will make sure he stays far away from me. Actually it was easier than I thought it would be."

Peeta's grip tightens around me, almost like he's afraid that I'll disappear at any moment. "But then what's the problem Kat? What did he say to you?"

"Nothing that hasn't been said before, and god, so many times. And that's the problem, that's why I freaked. Why would you want someone so damaged, so broken? I don't know if I can even be a whole person anymore." I want to pull away from him, but his grip tightens pulling me further into his arms and he feels so good I end up melting further into him instead of breaking free.

"I know we've talked about this before, but I still don't understand how you could want to put up with all of my shit," I continue.

"It's a simple answer, I love you Katniss. You're a wonderful person, and you're the strongest person I know. I know it's hard to believe me, but what you did in there was so amazing," he says. He lays soft kisses along my neck and I have never felt so loved and safe.

"It's not like I'm perfect either," he says, "I've been paralyzed by my own insecurities that I battle with every day, I have my own scars. I should have realized that my mother was the cause of not only my own pain but of yours. God, if I had just opened my eyes, we could have avoided so much of this, I have to live with that every day."

"Umm, about that," I say interrupting him. "I was so upset earlier because Cato told me that your mom encouraged him to start dating me, and not because she had my best interest at heart. She wanted to get you away from me. I don't even know how to process that kind of information. She just really wanted to get rid of me. She hates me so much...I just...I just don't know where to go with that."

As Peeta takes in my words, he becomes completely rigid behind me, the muscles in his arms rigid under my fingers, his grip tightening around me as he vibrates from the tension in his body like he's barely able to keep control. Suddenly he lets out a long and loud, "Fuck!" before his right fist slams down next to me on the platform. His grip doesn't lighten up, and I've never seen Peeta so on the edge to completely losing it. 

I fail at my first attempt to turn around in his arms because his arms are wound around my body too tightly. "Peeta, please" I plead but he's too far lost in his own head to hear my words. With as much strength as I can muster, I push his arms down and they finally give way. I quickly turn around, moving my legs to cross behind him at the small of his back and my hands naturally gravitate to his neck and my fingers find his soft hair curling there. I gently hold his face between my hands and bring his gaze down to my own but he's not seeing anything.

"Hey Peeta, it's okay. Come back to me. Just ignore what I said, I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. I should have suspected something like that anyway." Suddenly his eyes focus sharply on me and the intensity burning inside freezes me in place.

"I'm such an idiot. God, I hate her so much. She's a cancer, I know that. All she does is hurt those around her. Cato was just another tool she used. She never loved us. God how I used wish she did, but that was a naive stupid dream. She never was meant to be a mother. I was just another possession for her, someone to manipulate. She played games with all of us, and you just got caught in them as well. I'm so so sorry about that, I should have protected you. Fuck, I should have stayed far away from you, then this never would have happened. I'm not worth it."

When he finishes, his forehead leans against mine as our noses slightly brush against each other. My hands travel forward and grab the back of his neck, bringing him even closer to me. I lean forward and my lips softly touch his and as his mouth opens slightly, our lips fit together like a puzzle before I pull a hairs-breadth away. For once in my life I have full clarity. I have not been doing justice to Peeta or myself by putting him on a pedastal.

"Okay, now you have to stop. You're worth everything. Everything Peeta. We've let one miserable pathetic woman dictate our lives for way too long and I'm done with it. I just want you, nothing else matters. If you can deal with my issues, I can deal with yours. We will just have to be too crazy people with baggage dealing with life together. At least we have the same baggage. That is, if you still want me." The silence stretches between us and he just stares at me, a dazed expression clouding his face. I look down, suddenly shy, suddenly afraid of rejection, that all of this is too much for him. But then he puts his hand under my chin and tips my head up, and as I stare into his eyes, I know that doubting him is completely stupid. He is right here with me.

"Always Katniss," he says with a deep intensity. He is about to say more but I know words are no longer needed so I close the miniscule distance between us and my lips cover his moving ones effectively stopping whatever words that were going to come out. He breathes in and it feels like he's taking my very soul into his. Our lips play across each other gently, I take his top lip between my own and then he does the same too. Our tongues tentatively come out to play, barely touching and tasting, nothing too deep. It's as if we're mapping each other, just taking the time to enjoy learning the dips and curves of each other's lips. One large hand holds my face while the other travels to my waist, gripping the wet cloth of my rob tightly as he brings me closer to him. He pulls away and both our eyes lazily blink open. His are heavy lidded with lust and I'm pretty sure my own mirror the same look. Suddenly he chuckles as he looks down at me.

"You're still wearing that robe? It's not much protection, especially since it's so wet" he says as his fingers playfully travel the edge of the opening just barely touching the skin where the cloth lies. The sensation tickles but it leaves my nipples standing at attention. 

"You're not doing that much better mister, you only have a pair of boxers on so no judgies," I answer with a pout forming playfully on my lips.

"Oh, I'm not judging," he says before leaning forward and sucking my lower lip between his own. My mouth opens into the kiss, but he barely dips his tongue in before pulling back.

"In fact, I think we both probably have a little bit too much clothing on right now." I think he's going to kiss me again, but instead he leans down and his mouth goes to the nape of my neck where he alternates between kissing and tasting. His hands travel around my breasts, moving in tighter circles until they finally reach my nipples which he pinches through the silky cloth covering them. I can't help the moan that escapes my mouth as I throw my head back, inadvertantly pushing my chest closer to him. His fingers finally pushes the cloth away and his mouth closes over my right breast, his tongue coming out to play, lick, and tease. A hand pinches my other neglected nipple before it travels down to unhook the tie of my robe. His hand doesn't waste any time in moving downward, first cupping my sex before his index finger starts playing with my clit. He quickly has heat coursing through my body and before I know it I'm undulating on his lap, seeking more. I feel him hard and ready, and I know I should take my time, but I just want him to be inside me.

It's hard to move my limbs in any coordinated fashion with what he's doing to me, but somehow I'm able to grab his head and pull him up. I press my mouth against his and this time there is nothing slow or soft about the kiss. I want everything he has to give me and I know he wants the same as our tongues twist and undulate against each other. I don't realize that he's moving me backward to lay against the platform until my back touches the hard wood.

"Peeta, please," I whisper against his lips. I don't know what I'm pleading for, I just know I need more of him, more of this, more of everything. I move a hand down his chest, and I reach his abs, they pull away, muscles tight with anticipation. I reach the hardness tenting his pants and I trace the outline of his penis through the cotton of his shorts. He pushes into my hand and and my center throbs in anticipation. Before I can do anything else, he grabs my hand and stops it from exploring him further.

"Wait, let me make sure you're ready first," he breathes into my ear and a shiver runs down my body. I don't know if I want to wait, I just want to feel him, but those thoughts fly out of my head as two fingers thrust inside me and they see-saw in and out. His thumb presses firmly onto my clit and my body jumps as the sensation surges though me. His mouth soon joins and as his tongue twirls around, spreading the moisture around and making my heart beat so fast in my chest I was sure it would explode. No matter how good this moment feels, waiting is no longer an option, so my hands grab on to his blond curls and I yank him harshly back up to my body.

"Oww, damn, that kinda hurts Katniss," he says he rubs the top of his head, but a smile is still on his lips so I knows he doesn't care. That still doesn't stop the embarrassment that reddens my face. 

"Sorry, I just, I just want to be...with you. Slow can wait for later." I stumble with my words, and I know I'm not clear but when I look his eyes shining in the dark, I know he feels exactly the same way. We just need to be together and feel that this is real.

He kisses me deeply as every inch of his body presses me into the wood beneath me before he stops and lifts slightly up, just staring at me like I'll disappear at any moment. He uses a hand to move his boxers down to free himself and I lift my feet up to help. We get them just past his ass, but it's also enough to free his cock as it bounces free, and that's enough. He grabs his cock in his hand and lines up but pauses just at my entrance. His intention is not to tease, it's to ask permission, but I'm too impatient so I grab the top of his hand and help him push into me. Just the tip is inside and stays there for a long moment before he thrusts his hips up. A groan escapes my lips as my head snaps back and my head cracks the wood pretty hard but I don't even notice. All I can feel is his cock filing every inch of me. It's almost uncomfortable and I'm still sore from earlier, but I don't care because he's all mine. 

I look down at where we are connected, feeling Peeta's breath caress my face and in that moment I fully realize where I am and who I'm with. It all felt like a crazy dream before, but now it's all around me. The hard wood beneath me. The strong body moving above me. His muscles undulating under my finger tips. The pearl resting against throat. His thick penis moving in and out. The sound of the water moving beneath the platform. My feet resting at the swell of his muscular ass. My nipples rubbing against his chest. His grunts in my ear. His balls slapping against my wet skin. The stars shinning above. And it's all too much and everything brightens as I come with Peeta's name on my lips. I come so hard I feel like my breath is expelled from my body and does not want to come back. 

When I finally come to myself, he is still moving inside of me, his blue eyes shining in awe. I grab his head and bring him down, needing to have his lips on mine when he comes. And when they touch he starts to lose control and his thrust become quick and erratic. Then I watch his face as his eyes roll back and he comes hard inside of me and I can't help thinking how beautiful he is as the moonlight plays on his tightly clenched jaw. He slumps down heavily on top of me as he tries to catch his breath and I wrap my arms around him, holding him close before we roll to our sides. I softly smooth my fingers over his forehead then his hair as he keeps leaning forward giving me soft kisses all over my face again and again. God, how I wish I could live in this moment forever. 

"I love you so much Katniss," He whispers between kisses and I don't know if my heart can take the feeling those words illicit in me, it's so intense. 

"I love you Peeta. So very much," I tell him and his eyes are so wide with joy it's like I gave him the world.

Suddenly I hear the door open in the distance breaking our peace. "Hey, if you guys are done doing what you're doing, get your asses over here and tell us what the fuck is going on!" yells Jo across the distance to us. And soon we're both bubbling with laughter.

"And I hope you brought a condom with you lover boy!" she yells out before the door slams closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Diana_Flynn for being my beta, you're awesome. And thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments! :-)


	9. Not an End But Just the Beginning (Katniss POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I've been working on this chapter for the last couple weeks and I finally got it done with help from the always fabulous Diana Flynn who kept me going and gave me the cattle prod when I needed it. I want to thank everyone who left comments, you guys really inspired me to continue the story.
> 
> This was actually supposed to be a really short story for Prompts in Panem, but it really didn't end up that way. And this was supposed to be my last chapter, but alas, I will keep going, so I hope you don't mind. As a warning, this Katniss is closer in personality to how she was at the end of Mockinjay, scarred because of what Cato did to her. So she's a mess on the road to recovery.

Chapter 9: Not an End But Just the Beginning (Katniss POV)

God, I really hate waiting rooms. It doesn't matter what they do to make them nice or how many pictures of ecstatic smiling people they paper the walls with, they are still cold, uncomfortable, and eerily quiet. I hear the mumble of voices coming from other rooms and they somehow make me feel more alone. Every time footsteps approach the door, my stomach tightens in anticipation but then inevitably they pass me by and I'm still left in my torturous solitude. 

I shift impatiently and I let out an exasperated huff as the paper crackles below my ass. This damn examination table! Don't even get me started on that. It has to be one of the most awkwardly weird things to sit on. Do I sit forward, do I lie back, can I sit cross legged? I just never know what position to choose, plus it's alway at that weird height were only freakishly tall people can put their feet on the ground. So I end up swinging my legs back like an ancy kid trying to avoid the ever present paper crackle. I look up at the loudly clicking clock and damn if the arm has even moved. The cherry on top is that I forgot to plug my phone in so of course it's dying, taking away any form of entertainment that would distract me from losing it altogether. That's it, I'm officially in purgatory, there is no other answer for this torture. I'm being made to pay for my sins and my stupidity. Oh the complete stupidity. Because why shouldn't I fuck up my life just when it was becoming great, amazing even.

Slowly but surely I feel my sanity leaving me when the footsteps come closer again and I can't help but hold my breath. This time, instead of passing me by they actually stop at the door and I stare at the door knob as it actually starts to turn like there is a serial killer is on the other side. Because now, I'm not sure if I'm ready for the news on the other side. When the door swings open and the doctor steps in, a gasp escapes my mouth because she is definitely not something I was expecting. Her hair is brightly blond with actual gold streaks in it. The curls are so precisely engineered and placed, I'm sure it took hours to get that look. There is a great possibility it could be a wig though. She compensated for her understated soft pink lip color with her garish eyeshadow which is a perfect blend of pink, gold, and lavender creating a dramatic effect. She is definitely...well..interesting. I am relieved that when she first entered the room she was too busy reading the chart to pay attention to the astounded expression on my face. It gives me just enough time to school my expression into it's regular evenness.

"Miss Everdeen, sorry for the long wait. Looks like the nurse practitioner did a full physical on you and everything looks good, but I'm sure that's what you're not eager to hear," she says as she pulls up a stool in front of me. I could only answer by nodding my head and swallowing thickly. My heart throbs so hard in my chest I am positive she can see the shape of it with each beat.

"Well, the test is positive. You are pregnant..." And with those words everything closes in around me. It is like the oxygen had been completely sucked out of the air and blackness enters the corner of my vision. Is this what it felt like to faint? Because Katniss Everdeen definitely does not pass out. The doctor continues talking but I have no idea what she was saying to me. The one thought that keeps going through my brain is that my parents are going to kill me. Oh my god, and Peeta, what about Peeta, and our shiny new relationship? The last month had been wonderful, amazing even and here I've gone and fucked it all up. I am startled out of my swirling thoughts by a warm hand on my arm and my head snaps up to see an expression of sympathy lining my doctor's face.

"Well, clearly, you haven't been able to process any of the words after 'pregnant'. I take it this is an unplanned pregnancy?"

I blink a few times and the spots in front of my eyes clear up and everything comes into focus again. My throat feels dry and sticky and I try my best to swallow before I nod my head and let out a "Yes" is was closer to a squeak. 

"Clearly you need some time to process this. We have a counselor that comes in part time and he's here today, would you like to speak to him? He's great at providing a friendly ear."

"Planned Parenthood has someone like that?" I ask, confusion clouding my face.

"Oh yes! We try to provide as much support as possible considering our budget for our patients. Often people just need a friendly ear. We also provide prenatal care for pregnant women so please keep that in mind if you don't have insurance."

I take a big gulp and nod my head again before I finally am able to answer, "Umm, okay. Thank you Dr. Trinket, I really appreciate all the help."

"It's no problem dear." Dr. Trinket leans over and squeezes my hand, her eyes softening as she takes in the distress that is clear on my face. She obviously has seen this look many times before. "I'll go get Cinna for you. And don't forget to make a followup appointment before you leave, no matter what you decide because we still have to do the ultrasound."

"Ultrasound?" I don't know if I'm ready for that yet, it just seems to real.

"Don't worry, it's all part of the process and it will be over in a jiffy."

With quiet click of the door I am once again left alone with my turbulent thoughts. No words can describe the utter panic that is growing inside of me at this moment. What am I going to tell Peeta? My parents? I am barely starting to get my own life together and now it's look liked I've messed it up again. My brain zigzags at every possible scenario of what I should do and every decision in front of me seems like the wrong one.

"You know if you don't breathe, you'll pass out, and that's not good for anybody." The low soothing voice yanks me out of my pending panic attack and I look to see a man with light mocha skin and a very short afro poking his head through the doorway. His simple words make me realize that I actually haven't been breathing so I take in a deep breath and try to calm my beating heart.

"Hi I'm Cinna, Effie said you needed someone to talk to." He closes the door behind him and reaches out his hand. I hesitantly put my own in his and he brings his other hand on top, squeezing gently creating a calming warmth that instantly sets me at ease. I feel like he should be a rocker with the light gold that delicately lines his eyelids and his ears lined with studs and loops. But his smile is as warm as his hand and I start to feel a reluctant tug on my lips.  
"You're not exactly what I expected. Actually I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe somebody older, more female?" I instantly bite my lip and my eyebrows screw down in worry when I realize my blunt statement was pretty rude. But there was no need for me to worry because he just lifts his head and let's out a bright laugh.

"I get that a lot. I'm definitely not a standard issue model. Although I'm definitely not young, I just got the benefit of really good genes. I'm also a pretty good listener if you need one." As Cinna rolls up the tall chair and he sits down casually, not one bit of formality. I was never one to open myself up to people, but there was something about him that makes me feel like he is the perfect confidant.

"I don't know where to start actually. What do you need to know from me?" I ask. 

"Whatever you need to tell me. Think of me as an open ear, someone who won't judge." Cinna reaches over to a white jar and pulls out a mini twix chocolate bar and hands it over to me. "I find sugar can help calm the nerves."

I should open it, I could really use the chocolate rush but I end up just twisting the small package in my hand over and over again as I figure out what I want to say. But the words stay stuck in my throat and heavy on my heart. 

Finally I just blurt out, "God, how can I be so stupid. I mean, I know better, I know what I'm supposed to do. I was even taking the pill. But I was just so stressed out, I just forgot and it was only one day but now here I am, fucking my life up all over again."

"Don't judge yourself so harshly. We all make mistakes, it's part of our human nature," he interrupts.

"You don't understand. I used to be in control of things. My life, my emotions. I didn't let things affect me, I just did what I needed to get done. Then every thing fell apart after I let my ex-boyfriend take control of my life and I became a person that I didn't recognize, nobody recognized. Now, everything is finally good again. I just don't want him to hate me." I end up curling my legs up and holding them close to my chest. It's the only position I remotely feel comfortable in, especially considering how vulnerable I feel right now.

"Who do you not want to hate you, the father?"

"Yeah. our relationship is so new right now," I answer, and I have to admit, I'm surprised that I'm revealing so much to the man in front of me.

"What kind of guy is he? Can you describe him?" Cinna asks as he leans forward

"Well, ummm, he's probably the nicest person I ever met, and so giving, to a fault actually. I'm always worried that people will take advantage of him. He always has a smile for me, even when I'm in the worst moods. He's just the best person I know."

"Well, I don't know him or your relationship, but the person you just described wouldn't hate you. In fact he sounds like he'll be quite supportive, no matter what you want to do. But it also sounds like you need to make any decisions about your condition with him." He doesn't give me quite a smile, but just a turn of the lips that somehow conveys support and understanding. I just met this man and yet it feels like I'm talking to a friend.

"Here, let me get you some pamplets to read over as well as my card. Feel free to call me any time. I also do group and private counseling sessions through the community center. I have a feeling there is more to your story Miss Everdeen. No matter your decision, you don't have to go through the healing process alone." And for the first time all day I let out a soft smile.

______________________________________

I never thought I'd be one to talk to a counselor but after my talk with Cinna, I'm starting to change my mind about the whole thing. I feel like his card is burning a hole in my pocket and I know that I will most likely be calling him in the next few days. Despite the terror running through me because of the massive decision ahead of me...us, and the fact that I still have to tell Peeta, I feel better actually knowing I'm preganant. Before I felt like I was in limbo because even with the double blue lines of the stick, there was always that doubt or maybe it was hope that it was lying to me. Now I at least know what I'm facing me.

I attempt to stuff the packet of materials into my already over-full bag as I push open the Planned Parenthood clinic doors not really paying attention to the world around me as I start to plan out how I'm going to tell Peeta. Different words and phrases swirl repeating over and over in my head as I desperately try to figure out exactly the right way to to tell him although nothing seems right and now I'm more confused then ever.

I'm so caught up in my own head the person in front of me seems to come out of nowhere and I'm crashing into a body causing my paperwork and her pamphlets to fly everywhere and intermingle with each others on the ground. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," I start to say, "I wasn't looking where I was going." My hair falls in a curtain around my face blocking my vision from the person I rudely almost plowed over as I hurriedly try to separate our paperwork. I pick up one of the pamphlets and notice that there is a baby in front of it and reads, "Choose life, choose love, choose God."

"Our lord God and savior will forgive any transgression but you will go to hell if you murder your unborn child. Choose life," a sickly sweet voice says to me, 

"Huh?!" is my eloquent response as I get up from my squatted position so quickly I make myself dizzy. I flip my hair out of my face and focus on the tall statuesque blonde woman standing before me. When my sight clears I let out a gasp of horror. "Mrs. Mellark!"

"You!!" she exclaims as we both jump back a few feet away from each other. I pray that she's just a figment of my terrible horrific imagination but as I blink my eyes, she doesn't disappear. Dumb fucking luck, the last person I would ever want to see, and especially here.

"I always knew that you'd drag my son into damnation. The way you'd look at each other with your lustful sinful ways. Of course you would be here in this place of evil. Have you already killed an innocent child Katniss? Ripped him from your womb and threw him in the trash with all the murdered others? Now, at least he'll see what a slut you are. I pray every day he doesn't end up with a person like you." A few other people flank her with more pamphlets and some signs in their hands. Some of them look at me with disgust while others just have pity written on their face. I know each one of them will be praying for my soul, except Mrs. Mellark who will pray for me to go to hell. 

My mouth opens up a few times stupidly, any response lost to me in this terrible situation. The papers clutched in my hands crumple under my death grip and I stumble into another other body. I turn around and a woman a few years older than me smiles kindly at me. 

"I'm sorry miss, usually we have escorts for days we have protestors but today was unexpected since it's a Thursday and it's usually quiet. Let me walk you to your car." I nod my head at her gratefully and stick close to her side as I pass the group. None of them look belligerent, well except for Peeta's mom, but I can't help but feel so tiny and intimated by their judgement. 

As I walk away I hear her voice carry over to me one more time, "Peeta will never want a whore like you! You're going to hell!" I can't help but turn my head to look at her as I walk away. Some of the women shush her, worried that she is undermining their otherwise peaceful protest but she pays them no attention. She still has a smug self-satisfied expression on her face and the scorn burns right through me. An expression of a woman who 100% believes her convictions. How can I ever begin to combat that? 

I take a deep breath to steady myself as I remind myself that I'm no longer that scared insecure 15 year old that let her evil words seep in. A soft hand on my back instantly startles me and I look to my right and to see the escort still standing next to me, a soft kind expression on her face.

"Are you okay? It's not easy when someone recognizes you and she seemed a little...umm...intense," she said.

"It's okay, I'm okay," I stutter out. "I just wasn't expecting that."I take out my keys with shaky hands and somehow get the car door open.

"Well, I hope you're okay. Have a good day," she says before giving me one more comforting smile and heading back to the building. 

I slump inside my car and try to calm my racing heart still in disbelief at how quickly my life has changed in such a short time. Somehow I'm able to get my fingers working again and press the right buttons to get the phone dialing. It's quickly picked up and a cheerful, "Hey sis!" comes over the line. 

"Do you still have time for lunch Prim? I could really use a hug right now."

"Katniss, you never ask for hugs. What's going on?"

"Let me pick you up and I'll tell you while I'm eating a big fat cheeseburger."

_________________________________

"Katniss, are you going to be okay?" Prim looks back at me strangely, question filing her clear kind eyes as I stand there frozen. Her warm hand is trying to tug me forward but I can't seem to move from my spot and towards the bar where all our friends are waiting.

I had really only meant to tell Prim the bare minimum of the story. She knew mostly what was going on, but as we sat there gorging on yummy greasy fries, I found myself opening up more than I had ever done in the past. I'm not sure when Prim passed that line from my cute little sister who I vowed to protect to my confidant and best friend, but it happened. Sure I have Jo to perpetually tell it to me straight, and slap sense into me when I need it, but Prim just has this quiet sense of reason and understanding. She really didn't give me any advice on what I should do since really it's a decision between Peeta and I, but just having her hold my hand and tell me it would be okay really helped. 

But now, here I stand, once again afraid to go into Haymitch's bar. This time, it's not my friends that I fear, but Peeta. All sense and reason tells me it will be fine, but my heart still beats fast from my nerves and I can't stop the increasing clamminess of my hands. I just keep repeating to myself, it's Peeta, he's wonderful and perfect, it will be fine.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just can't make my limbs move, but other than that, I'm totally good," I assure Prim. "You know, I'm just going to go home. I'll tell him later," I finish as I start to pull away. Okay, so maybe I am big chicken, but I'm okay with that.

"Katniss, you just need to pull that damn bandaid off. I am not letting your hyperactive imagination have any more opportunity to depict the many ways Peeta will cast you aside so there is no way in hell I'm letting you go home." 

Her small hand gives me a strong tug with surprising strength and I stumble forward right into her, mumbling "dramatic much." She puts her arm around my waist and with a firm grip brings me forward to the door ignoring me. As I get shoved through, the noise from the already crowded bar overwhelms me and I blink a few times to try and refocus my eyes in the dim lighting.

"There are the girls over at the tall top, come on," says Prim and drags me quickly over to them before I can even begin to protest. We're greeted with woos and cheers as we approach and clearly they're already a couple of drinks in even if it's still early evening.

"It's about god damn time girls. We've been waiting for fucking forever for you to join us. What the hell happened to you losers. You already missed half of the game." Of course that is the greeting I would get from Jo. But she follows it up, by grabbing me by the shoulders and giving me a kiss on the cheek. 

"Madge and Rue here can't stop talking about wedding shit. You'd think they'd already got rings from those idiots they date. Now we can finally have civilized conversations about sports and other shit," she adds before plopping back in her chair and taking a swig of her drink.

"Where are the boys anyway? And Annie?" Prim asks craning her head around trying to spot them.

"Oh, they're off playing pool while it's half-time. You know how they are with their sticks and balls, they just love poking them around," answers Jo.

"God Jo, do you always have to be so crude?" Madge pipes in looking like she smelled something bad. "Finnick and Annie couldn't make it, I think they're to busy well being busy, if you get my meaning."

Just as I'm rolling my eyes, I feel strong arms around my waist and a warm kiss placed just on the my neck, right in the spot he knows I love best. It sends a tingle straight to my toes and my eyes half-close in pleasure.

"Hey gorgeous, you finally made it," he softly speaks into my ear, leaving a kiss there.

"Yeah, Prim, and I lost track of time at lunch, but we're here now." I turn around in his arms and kiss him softly on his lips, taking the time to relish the feel of their plumpness against my own. 

When I pull away he puts his forehead against mine and whispers, "I'll never get tired of being able to do that." And the words warm me all the way to the core because I'll never get tired of that either.

"So what do you want me to get you from the bar, a gin gimlet maybe or a shot of something special?" Peeta asks me as after he pulls away.

"I'm fine, you don't have to get me anything. I haven't been feeling well, so I don't want to test the waters," I answer as I look down on the floor and nervously play with the hem of my shirt. His hands make a heated trail across my waist to meet my own nervous ones and he gives them a soft squeeze while his lips leave an imprint on my forehead.

"Well, my turn is up soon, come grab me if you change your mind about that drink," and with a flash of a brilliant smile and a wave of the hand he's swallowed up by the crowd again. I look up and see matching smirks on each of the girls faces.

"Oh leave it! I know what you're all thinking."

"That you guys are disgustingly cute, then yes, that would be accurate," Madge says with a laugh.

"And what's with the no alcohol tonight Kat, I thought we were all celebrating!" interjects Rue as she bounces up and down causing her curly hair to sway along with her.

"Must mean she's pregnant!" Of course that statement would comes from Jo, and I should have expected it. Instead of laughing it off easily and just pretending it's not my reality I do the opposite and go perfectly still. The pause is not long, but it's long enough.

"Oh my god, you are pregnant? You got a little loaf baking in the oven! Jesus Christ on a cracker Katniss, I fucking told you!" She grabs my arm and clenches it so tightly I'm pretty sure I'll be sporting a bruise tomorrow.

"Calm down Jo, stop jumping to wild conclusions. Katniss tell Jo, you're not pregnant," Madge interjects, prying Jo's hands off him.

"Umm, I'm not pregnant?" but it comes out more like a question then a strong statement.

"Oh my god, you ARE pregnant!" exclaims Rue practically jumping out of her seat. 

"Who's pregnant?" asks Thresh as he comes behind Rue and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"Katniss is!" Rue tells him before I can stop her.

"No, she isn't, nobody's pregnant," Prim would be more convincing if she didn't squeek it out like a naughty kid whose hand just got caught in the cookie jar.

"Wow, that was fast. How far along are you?" Rue asks eagerly leaning forward literally on the edge of her seat. 

"Wait, what am I missing out on? Somebody's pregnant? Who's pregnant?" This time it's Gale asking as he pushes through the crowd to our table followed closely by Rory. 

"Katniss!" exclaims everyone at the table and I give up, bringing my head down on my folded arms on top of the table and let out a groan. Prim gives me a soft pat on my back knowing that I've entered my own personal hell. The last thing I ever wanted is so much attention. I thought maybe I could keep the pregnancy secret until at least the baby was born, just stay away from everybody and hide out. It seemed like such a good plan.

"Wow! Catnip has a bun in the oven by the baker's son!" The surprise evident in Gale's voice.

"That's what I said! High five, right here Hawthorne," and the loud smack of hands between Gale and Jo just punctuats how fast this has become a compete mess. 

"Could you guys stop with the bad bakery puns," my groan, but nobody hears my muffled reply from my head still stucked firmly in my arms. And goddamn it, the table is sticky under my arms too. Just when I was thinking it couldn't get too much worse I hear, "Wait, what?!"

My head pops up from the table like being yanked by a string, and there is Peeta with Thom as they're bringing pitchers of beer with glasses stacked for the group. His eyes are wide with shock and fear, his mouth completely slack. The beer starts to topple from his grip but Gale is right there to grab it and place it on the round top before there is a disaster. The beer disaster would be nothing compared to the storm I see rising in Peeta's expressive bule eyes. There is a pregnant pause of silence before every one of my group tsays something at once, adding to to farcity of the situation.

"Peeta's back! Look everyone, Peeta's back!"  
"Nothing's going on!"  
"Oh look the game just started again,"  
"I'm just going to pour the beers,"  
"Well shit howdy dude,"  
"Congratulations?"  
"Anybody up for another round of pool?"  
"What's going on, did I miss something?"

And then awkward silence descends on everyone again as they all turn towards Peeta and wait for his reaction. I was kind of hoping to put off the 'talk' for a little while longer, but I was definitely out of luck at the moment. I grab a napkin and wipe as much of the stickiness off my arms from the table off as possible before sliding off the stool and holding out my hand to him. Poor stunned Peeta, his brain seems to have a system crash as his hand jerks in to mine and I can feel it tremble a little. I give it a soft squeeze before turning around and pulling him through the crowd of people and out to the back patio.   "Ahh come on! Inquiring minds want to know!" I hear Jo yell out behind me as everyone else groans in disappointment.

It's pretty quiet right now since everyone is back inside watching the game so I find a table and sit down in a spot where the setting sun can lay across my back, and I cross my arms protectively before me. 

"Katniss, what the hell is going on? I'm so confused? Are you...are you pregnant? And why does everyone know except for me!" he finally says when his brain has processed what just happened.

"I guess you can say I'm a little pregnant, and they're really good at figuring things out," I answer, shrinking a little bit more in to myself.

"How can you be a little pregnant? I thought you were on the pill," he asks. He hasn't really moved except his hands are clenching and unclenching over and over again, which is usually a pretty bad sign. Usually it means he's trying to containing his emotions and on the verge of failing.

"Well, apparently when you forget to take the pill, and you double up the next day, it doesn't quite work as well, so now I have a little bean growing inside of me." 

Peeta starts pacing back and forth as he pulls the hair on his head causing it to go wild on top. I had so many scenarios about his reaction running through my head about his reaction when I told him. This was definitely on the worst part of the scale considering his freak out level seems pretty high right now. He finally stops in front of me, his hair sticking out in every which way direction.

"So are you sure sure?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm sure sure. I went to Planned Parenthood today and you couldn't get more positive then that." For once I can't read how he feels, all I can see is shock. Tears flood my eyes as I fear he really is going to be upset with me and and then suddenly he's on his knees in front of me, grabbing my cold hands between his warm ones. The look of shock quickly transforms into one of awe as he stares at my still flat stomach.

"Wow Katniss, we're going to parents," he finally says.

"Do you want to be a parent Peeta?" I ask hesitantly, my voice coming out in shakes and starts.

"I mean, well, I always wanted to be a dad one day. I just never expected it to be today. What do you want to do Katniss?"

"Oh, Peeta, I just don't know. I never thought I ever wanted to be a parent, and how can I raise a kid? I'm just such a fucking mess." 

Suddenly he is sitting next to me and wrapping me in his arms. I can feel his heart beating fast and strong against my ear as I let the tears roll and wet his t-shirt. His soft kisses on the top of my head are like a soothing balm and soon the storm that I have been feeling all day starts to lessen the longer he holds me tight.

"No matter what, I'm here for you whatever you decide," he whispers softly.

I sit up and grip his hands tightly between my own and look at him directly his clear blue eyes. "No, we will decide this together," I answer. 

This time there are tears shining in his eyes. Peeta is always the most squishy one among us, but I know it just means a lot to him that we'll be doing this as partners.

"Uhh mm," he says clearing his throat and gathering his words, "So what are we going to do?"

"Can we do this? You're barely finishing college. I was just thinking of getting back into school. We're just so young and I don't want to take away anything from you. You have so many years to be young, stupid and fancy free. You deserve to have have fun and not be stuck. Having a kid changes everything."

"Fancy free? I think you have been hanging around your grandma too much," he says with the life and laughter finally coming fully back into his eyes again. "But seriously, you wouldn't be taking anything away from me. In fact you'd be giving me something. And you know I've never been much of a party guy so don't worry about me. But no matter what, I love you."

"I love you too Peeta," I look down on our fingers twisted together and I know that with him by my side we can do anything. "I can't say I haven't thought about, getting, you know, rid of it. But I'm just not sure if I can go through with that."

"So, are we doing this?" he asks tentatively. He squeezes my hand a little harder and as I look at him, I realize that I see hope blossoming. I think he really wants to go through with this. I'm not sure why, but he does.

"So what do you think? Just to warn you if we do this, you know I'll get super fat. I'm already constantly hungry and I fully intend to eat what I want."

"How about I get fat with you. It would be my sacrifice for you letting go of this ripped luscious body. If it's what I gotta do to make you happy I will."

I can't help but let out a small laugh and I hug him close to me. We just hold each other for a moment and I relish this little bubble of peace we've created because I know the months and maybe years to come might not be easy. After a little while he pulls back and gives me such a possessive kiss it makes my toes curl and warmth build in my belly.

"I guess this means we're getting married then!" He says, after he pulls away with a glimmer of mischievousness twinkling in his eyes. I give him a little slap on he arm that holds no strength and shake my head, a smile playing on my lips.

"Nuh uh! That would be a definite no. Marriage is definitely not in our plans right now. If I learned anything from your parents it would be getting married because of pregnancy is not the best decision."

"You don't want to get married to me?!" He says looking thoroughly offended. I give him a gentle kiss on his lips, sucking his luscious lower one between my own before kissing him on the special spot he loves right on his neck.

"I never said that. I think we just need to take it one day at a time. We just did get back together so maybe we should date first. I'll just happen to be growing a little person at the same time."

"So we're really doing this?" He says as a smile spreads across his face.

"Yup, I guess so?" I answer. And before I know it, he's picking me up and spinning me around and the laughter bubbles out of me.

When he stops my arms cling around his neck as he holds me up, my toes barely touching the floor. 

"I guess we should go inside and tell everyone the big news, even though they kinda already know," he whispers against my lips. 

"In a little bit, there are better things I'd rather be doing with my time." 

"Let's get out of here then. We can tell them tomorrow," he says, while his hands wander down and gently squeezes my ass.

I take the opportunity to kiss him thoroughly, my way of agreeing. No doubt, I'm scared with what is to come but in this moment I know despite our odds it will all be okay. 

Peeta's smile grows impossibly wider until I suddenly blurt out, "Oh and your mother already found out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF PART 1  
> _________________
> 
> So this is end of the first part of the story, which was essentially their reconciliation. Part 2 will be of course their pregnancy adventures. Not sure if I'm going to separate it into a whole different story or just keep it with Other Side of the Glass, so if you have an opinion, send it on over. Thanks again for everyone's support! You keep writers like me going!


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